Touched

Nineteen

Thea Elise

    "To be perfectly honest.." Grasyon carefully placed the mug on the table beside the couch."I only kept in mind the fact that you are not seeing anyone, the rest basics about you were a blur.I didn't bother looking further, since I wanted to discover and hopefully you Thea, to willingly tell me the things that cannot be contained or defined by a blacked out file."

     My heart skipped and I cannot hide the distraught that I felt so I closed my eyes and sighed heavily. So, he didn't know anything that's vital. I felt as if cold water was poured all over me. Hindi niya pa alam. I looked back to him and saw worry in his expression. Bakit parang mas mahirap tuloy ngayon na alam ko ng hindi man lang siya ng check ng background ko?

    I am afraid that I am too perfect in his eyes. Paano kapag nalaman niya na? I took a sip of the coffee and tried to calm the sudden rapid beating of my heart. Tinapunan ko ulit siya ng tingin at natagpuang naghihintay lang siya sa susunod kong sasabihin.

    Should I tell him now? Fuck this, ofcourse I have to. Thoughnmot everything for it will take a long time, but atleast the important parts. Para kung halimbawa man na ma dissapoint siya sakin, at least ay alam ko kung bakit. But who am I kidding? Ngayon pa nga lang na may nararamdaman na ako sa kanya ay parang ang hirap na isiping iiwan niya ako. What I feel for him is beyond lust and I so sure of it.

     At alam ko din na magiging masakit kung iiwan niya ako kapag nalaman niya na ang nakaraan ko. Pero, fine. I'll do it anyways. Hindi dapat ako maging duwag, otherwise I'd be in a box again, afraid and alone.

    "Thea, what is it? You're making me nervous." Grayson whispered, a first glance of real vulnerability from him kaya mas lalo akong nabahala. Umiling ako sa kanya.

    "It's nothing you cannot handle after." I started. "But promise me one thing first."

    "Please tell me and get it over with para akong hindi makahinga." He sighed heavily.

    "Promise me Gray,"

    "I promise, whatever it is, I promise. Just tell me." He scooted forward but I halted a hand at him.

    "You don't understand. This is not some trivial thing for me, Gray. If I tell you my biggest secrets right now..would you promise me, that when you feel, even just a tiny bit of doubt that this thing we have is not worth it, you'd leave me alone?" I spoke, unsure if I can take it while he looked at me, stricken.

    "You and I both know that I cannot fucking do that." Matigas na sabi niya. I massaged my temples before responding.

    "You have to understand Gray. Trust is something that I don't give easily to other people. And I don't want you regretting something that you know you doubted before it even started. I will completely get it if you walk away tonight. Just promise me that first." I stated, with conviction this time.

    That's right, I have to take control of this. The last thing I need is history repeating itself and it is better that he hears the truth from me. Grayson looked at me and I saw fear in his eyes. No, not fear it was..sadness. Shit. I did not mean to be so cold. He huffed in a breath before nodding slowly at me.

    "I promise." He whispered.

    "Great!" I stood up as he watched me quizzically. "Now I need a some liquid courage. What do you want to drink?" Pilit kong pinasigla ang boses ko at ngumiti ng alanganin sa kanya.

    Tiningnan niya lang ako ng marahan ng ilang segundo bago nagsalita.

    "Whatever you're having, is fine. I too may need a lot given the weight of the promise that you made me swear." He chuckled while unbuttoning the top of his dress shirt.