The Lego Batman Movie 2: Jokes On Me

Chapter 15

Joker was happy they let him keep his lipstick. He was currently drawing all over the walls, pictures of Batman, and himself beside him, or holding his hand, or kissing him, holding him, and other more graphic or possessive things depending on what Joker missed most about his lover in that minute.

He was dying. He was desperate. He was lonely. Sometimes Batman feels like the only thing in his life, which is how he liked it. But now.....he has nothing. He's alone in this cold place with nothing but the memory of someone he loves and the fear of staying in here for a moment longer.

His eyes are swollen from crying a river of pain, his palms sore from banging on the glass and begging frantically to be let go without screaming "I HAVE TO SEE BATMAN! I HAVE TO SEE HIM!!"
He can't say that. But he can think it till he's blue in the face.
And that's exactly what he did.
Think about Batman until he's engraved every memory of him into the eternity of his mind, so he'll never forget.

Joker hears a loud crash come from down the hall. It makes him jump.
"Wh-what's that??"
....a loud bang echos to his cell.
"...Nevermind. It doesn't matter anyways."
Footsteps and heavy breathing start to approach his cell.
"If I'm not with Batman...."
Closer. Closer.
"Than nothing matters."

"Hi sweetie."
Joker's head almost pops clear off. He spins around and gazes at the black silhouette he could NEVER mistake.
His voice comes out in a choking hush.
"B....B.....Batman..? Baby?"
Bruce quickly takes off his helmet, and like he's known for, lets his hair suddenly sprawl out into random tufts.
"Yeah, it's me babe."
Joker almost screams with agony. He's done too much crying to even manage a yelp.
"Batman!! Oh my god..! I...I never thought I'de see you again!"
Bruce slips his cowl back on and takes out the key card he stole from the security guard.
"I'de never last a day without you. You know that."
He slides the card across the access panel, opening the cell. Joker seems to suddenly gain so much vigor, reaching out to him.
Batman approaches, ready to scoop up his sweet little lover and pamper him until-

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"

Batman stops in his tracks and spins around, wanting to shut the doors again in case somebody tries to hurt Joker.

"B....Barbara...-"

"BATMAN!!! What is WRONG with you?! What is your problem!?! I need an explanation for committing this level of treason, RIGHT! NOW!"

Batman's body starts to shake, too worried to move. He turns his head to look at Joker, and the gaze in his lover's eyes says it all, along with his words.
"Tell her. I think now is that special time you were talking about."

Batman looks at him one more time, drinking him in, before taking a long, desperate breath and looking at the Commissioner.

"Barbara......The Joker is a very special person to me."
"I know that. But that doesn't-"
"He's......always been there for me. From day one. He says I'm his greatest enemy, and I say he's mine. But......when we say "I hate you" to eachother.......we don't mean what it means to everyone else."

Barbara seems just as confused as before.
"Then......what does it mean...?"

"What we're saying to eachother.......is
"I love you".

Barbara's eyes suddenly pop open.
"Wh......what?"

"I learned something last year. When Jokes threatened for the last time to destroy Gotham City. At least, what was real. We needed eachother so much more than we thought. And he'll always be here for me. And I am always chasing him. Because I'm always worried that something might happen. Anything, everything that could take him away from me. So I always chase him, and I'm always the one keeping an eye on him. Because.....i want to see him. Every day."

Joker gets up slowly from the floor, his lover's words filling him with a vigor and appreciation and respect that he doesn't think he's ever felt before. He clings to Batman's arm and rubs his shoulder, amazed at how good he's become at sharing his feelings. But he knows what Barbara needs to hear. He needed to hear it himself that day, too.

"What we're saying, Commissioner, is that Batman and I.......are in a relationship. We're dating."

Barbara becomes like a statue, stagnant and unable to process it.

"Y.......you.......you're..........together??"

Joker nods, holding Batman's hand. Barbara sees the Dark knight make no effort to pull away, or grimace, or anything like that. In fact he looks at the smaller man with a look that she believed he could look at her with someday.
But it wasn't meant to be.
And she thinks that this......was.
They were made to happen.

She carefully rouses herself from her immobile state and goes over to them.

"So.....ever since-"
"Last year? Yes. About a month after everything happened." The Joker says calmly, ready to give up every piece of information.

"Then, why do you continue to threaten Gotham City?"

Before Joker can speak up, Batman swallows his pride and steps forward.
"Joker and I have been planning out his schemes together, to hide the truth from you."

Barbara seems offended and raises her eyebrows. "Why? To make me feel useful?"

Joker sighs. "We thought you'de get suspicious because all of a sudden you wouldn't be fighting Batman's Greatest Enemy anymore, and think that Batman was lying to you about working as a team. So, we decided to just play the parts of "Hero and Villian" to let you do your job. And.....we were waiting for a day like this to come by so it would all make sense at once."

Batman holds Joker's hand, the both of them struggling not to cling to eachother and kiss until dawn right in front of her.

Barbara seems quiet for a moment, as just as the two feel that there may not be hope for a happy ending, she starts walking towards them. They have no idea what she could possibly do; glomp them both in joyful realization, or punch Joker to make sure he never says "I hate you" to Batman ever again.

Batman looks at the stern commissioner, just about to ask her what the hell she wants, before she grabs his shoulder, leans up and plants a firm peck on his cheek. As quickly as she had, she slipped away and looked at The Joker, reading in his eyes the fact that this is all real, and it's never going to change.

"Okay. Joker, you're hereby released from Arkam Asylum, on account of.....'Good Behavior'."

Joker gasps and looks up at Batman, then to Barbara, then to Batman again, and back to Barb.

"REALLY?! OH THANK YOU COMMISSIONER!!" He leaps forward and gets her in a strong hug, to which Barbara smiles and pats his back.
"Please, call me Barbara."

Batman suddenly and without warning pries Joker off of Barb and scoops him up into his arms, starting to walk out of the cell and down the hall.
"Thank you, Barbara. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a tattoo to get with my greatest enemy."

Joker practically swoons, happy that he's not currently standing up.
Barbara seems to playfully roll her eyes, and walks off down to her office as she takes in everything she's just heard.

Batman was right. She doesn't have to worry. This is something that was always meant to happen, and will always be what's best for them both. It couldn't be any other way.