The Lego Batman Movie 2: Jokes On Me

Chapter 5

"B-but Dad, the Joker is-"
"In my room, i know. Come in Richard."

Batman holds the door open as the Joker gives a very sweet smile and sits himself down on the edge of the bed, and as Richard comes in and avoids eye contact with the villian, mostly looking at his shoes, Batman closes the door and locks it, sitting on the edge of the bed just an arm away from the Joker.

Richard plops down in the big chair across from them, and awkwardly twidles his thumbs. "Uh, s-so....."

Batman looks nervously around, trying to catch his breath, before Jokes sets his hand on Batman's on the bed, and as their eyes connect, it gives him enough strength to start the most important conversation he may ever have.

"Richard.....The Joker and I have been very close for the past year. Ever since he confronted me about his feelings, even though it seemed different on the surface, he meant something a lot more.....emotional than in a rivalry sense. And.....i felt the same way back. We say "i hate you" to eachother, but we don't mean what it means to other people. We say it.....to express our fondness of eachother."

The Joker gently slips into the conversation, his emotion-built voice seems to sweep over them both in such a soft and sweet manner.
"Robin, I think I've always felt this way about Batman. It started so long ago as a rivalry, but it became so clear to me that he really is my other half, and i'de do anything to keep that half as close to me as possible. I'de never really try to hurt him or get rid of him. I think i would simply implode if I didn't have Batman."

The two lovers' hands slide into one another's, but they maintain a gentle eye contact with Robin. And to their amazement, he doesn't seem all that shocked.

"So......you guys are together? You're a couple? You're......in love?"

"Absolutely." They both say in unison, and hearing the other's mirrored infliction causes them both to blush hard, and the squeeze on their hands get tighter.

Robin takes in a breath and lets it whoosh back out. "Wow. Well.....okay then. I trust you Dad. I think you can make the right desicions, especially if your following your heart. But.....what about Barbara?" He ponders, just wondering if something actually happened between them and turned sour.

"Well, when i first met Barbara, i was really in love with her. And i told Joker this when we were starting out, because i was very confused about.....how things were going to go. I never really felt a good time to tell Barbara how i feel, and after a while the feelings just kinda faded. She never really hinted at feeling the same way, either, so i just...dropped it. I let it go away. And Joker was so persistent, but so supportive and calming at the same time."
He finally looks over into the Joker's eyes, who seems to have been waiting for him to look over. From the adorably loving gaze of contained seduction in his eyes, it seemed that he was lying in wait to once again show Batman the things he does to the fool's little heart. The Joker offers his piece again.
"I really wanted to show Batman that i cared for him in a different way than he had been thinking all this time. Because....when he told me that day that he really hated me, I saw in his eyes that he meant almost the exact same thing as I've been feeling. And i wanted to bring it up. So I did. I told him that all those times I said the word 'hate', I really meant 'love'. And....it was like a bolt of lightning hit him. As if he completely understood, and it made perfect sense. We didn't start out that day together, but it certainly started the fire that's been burning in us for the past year."

Richard is just taking all of this in, his elbows on his knees and his wide eyes sort of admiring the loving looks the two pass eachother as they just lay out the groundwork for Robin's mind to build a foundation of understanding on top of.

Bruce sighs. "So, because it's been so long......and because i really feel like this is something that isn't going to change........I asked The Joker if he wanted to be your second father. I know how much you liked having two dads." Batman leans over to Richard and ruffles his hair, causing the kid to chuckle, as Batman settles back down beside Jokes.

The green-haired skinny man speaks up one more time, not really needing conformation on any more than this.
"I said yes. I would love to be your second father alongside the most important person in my life. But only if that's something you're okay with. I'm not here to take Batman away from you or ruin such a beautiful bond between you. I just want to be here to support you both. In a non-criminal way of course. More like an emotional crutch." He jokes, as Batman wraps his arm around Joker, causing the clown to blush and struggle to still look serious.

Batman looks back over to his son.
"So Richard, we've only got one question for you: ....Do you want Joker to be your second dad?"

Robin bites his lip and thinks for a minute, going from deep thought to glancing up at the two. Finally after a minute or so he lifts his head and puts his hands on his knees.

"I would really like some time to kinda let this sink in, and to think about it. I want to get some feedback on questions, when I come up with them, and I want to see how you two interact together. Then I'll make a desicion when I'm ready."

"That's a great idea, Robin. Take all the time you need. And you can ask us absolutely anything you want. We're here for you."

Robin seems to have something on the tip of his tongue, and just as it seems like he won't be able to remember he lets it slide out.
"Wait, so do you guys still like really fight to destroy and protect Gotham City....?"
The Joker waves this off quickly. "Oh goodness no. I gave that up months ago. Batman and I actually plan my 'schemes' together, and sort of act them out as we go."
"But why? Is it just for fun? You two could always just tell everyone you're together and live peacefully without having to worry about people."
At this Batman steps into the conversation. "We do it so Barbara doesn't feel left out. We just paired up with the Police Force. It would be a shame if she didn't at least get some time to enforce her plan to team up with us and fight some baddies. But at the same time, I always have to keep her away from Joker in case she actually arrests him. That wouldn't be a lot of fun to make work in a relationship, would it?"

Robin nods. "You're right. That's actually really silly and cute. I didn't know you still played pretend, Batman."
Batman blushes at the bash to his ego, but the moment his eyes link with Joker's, he totally melts.
"I'de play Dolls and Dressup if it's for this sweet thing." He leans in and softly kisses Joker's forhead, conjuring a squeak from the smaller man.

Richard stands up and sighs. "Okay. Lots of desicions to make. Thanks for telling me, Dad. You can trust me with anything."
Batman nods, his eyes never holding so much truth. "I know Robin. I'm happy I can. Now go have fun you rascal."

"Bye Batman. Bye Joker!" He waves to them both as he unlocks and opens the door, giving the Joker a very empathetic smile.
"Bye Robin!~" he waves to the boy right back, before Batman stands up and goes to the door, closing and locking it once more. Suddenly he turns back around, slips off his cowl and lets it drop to the floor.

"Joker?"
"Yes Batman~...?"
"Cover me in that lipstick again. I miss the feeling."
The Joker blushes hot red and smiles with a passion so heavy that he swears his teeth are blushing.
"There's nothing on this earth i love more than marking you with my kisses~" he coos sensually, pulling out the glorious rose red-colored lipstick as Batman looms over him, waiting to be again covered in the stamps of his lover's lips.