The Art of Fake Dating // h.s.

Chapter 20

“May I come in?” he asked, hesitantly remaining by my doorway. I nodded my head, patting the spot next to me, motioning for him to come over. He gently closed the door behind him before pattering his way across my floor and to my bed.

“Lay down.” He commanded, softly, while pushing gently back on my shoulders. I gave him a confused look, but agreed, laying flat on my back, my pillow readjusting to my head shape. He laid down next to me, staring up at the ceiling with his hands clasped over my stomach.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” He whispered into the night. He seemed deep in thought so I didn’t interrupt him; I just kept quiet and listened for his next words. “All I wanted for us was to be happy. I didn’t mean for things to blow so out of proportion. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I can feel myself slipping.” He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. My heart ached seeing his inner anguish, pleading to reach out to him. He turned on his side to face me, reaching an arm out to wrap it around my side and bring me closer to him.

“I just wanted to make you happy.” He whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind my hear before proceeding to caress my face. “It was just you and me, against the world. And now I feel like I’ve unintentionally taken you out of that equation. I didn’t mean to, things weren’t supposed to go this far. I can see that I’m hurting you, and it’s tearing me apart. It wasn’t supposed to be like this!” He cried out in frustration, running his hands through his hair as he gripped his head, turning back over onto his back and turning his head to face me. “Where did I go wrong? What is happening to me?” He asked, and I could see the desperation dancing in his eyes. He knew he was changing, he knew that he was becoming someone he didn’t want to, but he didn’t know how to stop it.

“I don’t know.” I replied, running my fingers through his curls, our eyes locked. “Somewhere along the way, I guess you lost yourself. Maybe it was my fault. I should have seen what was happening. I don’t know why I didn’t notice, maybe if I would have before things would be better now.” I muttered, feeling the guilt creep inside of me. I was supposed to help him. It was the reason why I was put with him in the first place; but I failed. I failed.

“No, no, don’t blame yourself.” He panicked, cradling my face in his hands. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. None of this is your fault. It’s all me, I’m the problem. I just need a little help. A-“ he bit back his words, and I could sense his hesitation.

“What is it, Harry?” I asked, urging him on. He bit his lip before looking back up into my eyes. I could see his worry, and he let go of his hold on my face, fiddling with his fingers.

“Are you still happy with me, Christina? I’ll understand if you’re not anymore. All I’ve been doing is screwing up.” He muttered, already succumbing himself to rejection. He cradled his face further into the pillow, still staring in my direction but looking everywhere but at my eyes.

“Harry, as long as I’m with you I’m happy. You’re my source of happiness. This is just a small bump in the road, but we’ll make it through.” I smiled at him reassuringly. He nodded his head, bringing his face closer to mine.

“I love you.” He whispered, pressing his lips against mine.

That was two months ago. He was better for the following few weeks. He wasn’t an angel in public still, but at least he wasn’t egging cars and flipping over restaurant tables anymore. I knew that we still had to keep up his bad boy image, all I wanted was for him to tone it down a little. Everything was fine between us after our discussion that night. He let out a few harsh phrases every now and then but quickly apologized for them afterwards, claiming that he didn’t mean them. I believed him. I believed it all until last night happened. It was probably the worst fight of them all, his words cutting right through my heart.