[forty five]

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                        Indi's POV

(Side note: The video fits in with the chapter, so give it a watch 😊)

The moment I walked in the door to see my living crowded with people, I immediately wanted to turn back around.

Fuck.

I told Rose no party.  Like, at least forty three times.

I mean, my birthday wasn't technically until tomorrow, but Rose had been hinting all week that she was going to do something special.

But this is not what I had in mind.

I sighed, ready to be ambushed by our group of friends, but to my surprise, nothing happened. 

No one jumped up and yelled "Surprise!" or "Happy Birthday!".  Nobody even noticed I had walked in the door. 

Well, at least not until Jude called my name.

"Indi!" he said, grinning at me as he got up from the couch.  "I didn't know you were joining the kickback."

Kickback? So this wasn't a birthday party?

It wasn't unusual to see Jude here.  He was the first person Rose and I had met when we moved into our apartment 6 months ago, and since he lived right across the hall from us, he was over at our place nearly every day.

But it was odd to see the rest of our friends there.

I spotted Angela, a girl from the third floor who was more of Rose's friend than mine.  Julia and Marcus, who lived in the same dorm hall as us last semester, were squeezed together on a chair, feeding each other popcorn.  Alice, Rose's lab partner, was sprawled out on the floor with her hand in a  bag of pretzels, watching the commercials flash across the TV.

At Jude's greeting, Rose turned around to look at me.  Her eyes grew a little wide.  She looked surprised to see me.  Maybe even a little nervous.

"You're home early," she said, getting up quickly and pushing past Jude to get to me.  "Like, really, really early."

I shut the door behind me and apprehensively dropped my keys in the dish.  "Uh, yeah.  I finished my editorial early so Robert let me go.  What's everyone doing here?"

"We're here to watch Letterman," Jude said, throwing an arm around my shoulder and pulling me toward the living room.  "You're right on time."

I laughed, positive he was joking around like always.

"So all of our friends just casually gather to watch Letterman in our apartment?" I asked Rose, raising an eyebrow.  "Are you sure this isn't a failed surprise birthday party attempt?"

"No, Indi, it's not-"

"Get in here guys, it's back on!" Alice called from the floor, drowning out whatever Rose was saying. 

Jude pulled me into the living room before Rose could say anything else, and to my surprise, everyone was leaned toward the TV eagerly just as David Letterman appeared on screen. 

What the hell?  They really were watching Letterman? 

Confused, I focused my attention on the screen.  There had to be a really important guest on, or something.

"Indi," Rose said again.  "It's-"

But she was once again interrupted, this time by David Letterman.

"Welcome back everybody," he said into the camera.  "I'm sure you're all excited to hear our musical guest tonight."

The crowd cheered and I was still absolutely puzzled. 

"Their new album 'AM' has shot to number one internationally, and they just won Album of the Year at the Brits and Best British Group, as well as British GQ's men of the year."

Oh shit.

That was when it hit me. I knew why they were watching. 

"Here performing a song from their number one album, welcome back to the program, Arctic Monkeys!"

Fuck.  

I tried to pull away, but Jude's clueless grip was too tight on my shoulders.

Matt was the first one to appear on screen, pounding the beat to a song I'd never heard.

"There's Rose's boyfriend!" Julia said, slapping Alice on the arm.

I didn't have much time.  I had to get out of there before he came on.

It wasn't like I hadn't seen him since that weekend in Colorado. It was hard not to, with the massive success of their new album.  They seemed to be everywhere. 

But it was only glimpses.  His face would flash across the TV, and I would change it.  A picture of him would pop up on my laptop when I was researching articles, and I would close out.  I was good at avoiding him.  I hadn't even listened to AM, despite Rose and Matt begging me to.

Of course, it didn't help that his best friend was dating mine.  Or that I still got the random call from him every now and again in the middle of the night when he was high and drunk out of his mind.

I was still sort of pissed at Matt for giving him my number, even though he swears he was drunk when he gave it to him. Don't get me wrong, I loved Matt. He made Rose so happy and he'd become like a brother to me in the past year and a half, but sometimes he just felt like a constant reminder of that feeling in my stomach on that last morning at the cabin.

The feeling of being taken advantage of. The feeling of being dropped like I was absolutely nothing.

However, despite all of that, I'd done a good job of bleaching my life of all things Alex Turner. 

And things had been better because of that.  I'd landed a great job at a newspaper, I'd finished last semester with a 3.9 GPA, bought my first apartment with Rose, and gained a new group of friends. 

Things were better.  I was better.  Or at least I thought so. 

But I wasn't so sure anymore, because the moment that the camera panned out from Matt and landed on the whole band, I felt my stomach turn over. 

Alice waved her arms giddily.  She was a newcomer in our group of friends, and had never met Matt (even though he practically lived with us when he was on his breaks).  She seemed to be amazed that he was on television.

"Holy shit," she said, awestruck.  "I can't believe you're dating someone performing on Letterman."

But Rose wasn't even looking at Matt.  She was staring at me, her eyes apologizing.  I shook my head dismissively at her, trying to tell her that it was okay.  She couldn't have known I would be home early.

"Oh my god," Alice said, lowering her voice.  "Who is he?"

I didn't even have to look at the TV to know she was talking about Alex.

I pulled away from Jude, and this time I was successful.  I left the living room just as I heard Alex's voice, deep and melodic and fucking maddening, drift from the speakers.

"Have you got color in your cheeks?"

"Indi!" Jude called after me.  "Where are you going?"

"I have shit to do," I said over my shoulder. "Really important shit."

"Shit so important that you can't spare five minutes? Rose said that this is pretty much the only time we'll ever see Matt perform on TV in America."

Jude didn't know about Alex and I. He didn't know that seeing a glimpse of him or hearing his voice was enough to piss me the fuck off. None of our friends did. Alex had been right about one thing- we ended it so quickly that the press never came after me. So it really was like him and I had never happened at all.

And that was for the best. I knew that now.

"You sure you don't want to hear them play?" Jude asked as I grabbed a box of Girl Scout cookies from the counter and headed for my room.

"No," I said without looking back. "I've heard enough."

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