Nothing Is Forever [COMPLETE]

Chapter 69: Déjà Vu

"Thanks," he smiled, walking over to a tray of miniature chicken biscuits and putting a few of them on a plate before coming over to sit next to me.

"That's a lot of food," I joked, as he took a seat and scooted the plate between us.

"I got some for you too!"

I grabbed a biscuit and we sat in silence for a while, accompanied by nothing but the sounds of our own chewing. Eventually we both filled up and the room went abnormally silent.

"Thank you for staying—"

"Why don't you stay?" I interrupted with a harsh tone in my voice.

"What?"

"In Vancouver... with me..."

Ryan frowned and wiped his hands off on a napkin.

"This is my job. This is what my future depends on... This is what Ella and Grace's future depends on—"

"I understand that Ryan, but you're not going with Melany anymore so I mean, what's the whole point in leaving? We all need you here... I need you here—"

"Like I've said before Savannah... you and I could never be in a relationship. Nothing would work out between us, especially not with Colin around..."

"He doesn't care about me," I scowled, "so frankly, I don't care about him either—"

"Don't lie to me Savannah..."

Ryan was becoming more and more irritated by the second.

"I'm not!" I insisted defensively.

"THEN STOP LYING TO YOURSELF!" He demanded, standing up from the desk, and walking to the front of the room with his back towards me.

I was completely baffled by the volume of his voice.

"OK Ryan. Calm down and take a deep breath, you're overreacting and being all bipolar again," I said in a monotone voice, slowly tiptoeing over to console him, making subtle movements along the way. He turned to face me and it felt as though his untamable green eyes were  into my soul.

"I'm not bipolar Savannah," he insisted, letting out a pissed off laugh, "it's just that EVERYTHING is the SAME ROUTINE with you"

"What do you mean?" I asked earnestly.

"You always think you want to be in a relationship. You always think you're going to be happy, but nothing is ever good enough... The difference between you and I is that I know what I want—"

"I know exactly what I want," I said harshly, "I want to be with you... I want to be in Ella and Grace's lives. I want to have a family with you, so tell me Ryan, what is it that you want?"

"Number one, I want you to stop interrupting me," he spat, using his teacher voice as he continued, "I know that Ella and Grace love you... Hell, they love you more than they love their own mom! I know that one day, you're gonna be happy, and have a family, but it'll be with some guy other than me. I know you think you love me, but there are still plenty of monsters inside that I keep contained when I'm with you, and some are too ugly to even look at."

I was desperate to interrupt, but I didn't know what he'd do if I did.

"I know how much I love you," he said, gripping my waist and pulling me closer, "but I also know that there is no way you could ever truly love me more than you love Colin... No matter how much you think you you can..."

My eyes scanned his face, and fell upon his slightly parted lips, as a tear rolled down my cheek. I kissed him softly and rested my head against his chest.

"Ryan, I dont know how many times I have to tell you. I love you, and only you... I've been saying it from the start.... Will you ever—"

"No Savannah," he insisted, pulling away from me, "I'll never believe you because I don't see how anyone could ever love me... I've made too many mistakes in my life, and I don't deserve anyone like you"

He sat on top of his desk, and I drew in closer to him once more, standing directly between his legs.

"Let me prove it to you Ryan..."

"Savannah... This isn't going to 'prove' anything. The only thing it's gonna do is make it awkward when we walk out to the basketball court together—"

"I love you Ryan," I insisted, undoing the first button on his shirt, "I'll do anything to make you stay... you name it—"

He leaned forward and whispered into my ear. I felt all of the blood rush to my face. We were on a time schedule, but I agreed to his requests, as he took off my top and I picked up the speed on his buttons.