I sat on Carlos's couch in the living room the day after I had returned. he went and did another quick workout with the guys and in the meantime, I was on my laptop browsing for job openings.
I never realized how hard it was to search for a job until I started reading the qualifications and descriptions.
the position was one thing. then there were the hours, and the skills. the income was the last thing, but with what I had a degree in, the money should be alright.
I placed the laptop to the side after finding a total of one possible job I saw myself working as, and that was when I really low-balled my expectations.
I groaned in frustration, but quickly calmed myself down. for some reason, I looked down at my stomach.
the job I found required working with children. and that made me think of pregnancy. and then that made me think of Carlos.
I lifted up my t-shirt and pushed my stomach out to try and see what it would look like if I was pregnant. I gently rubbed my hands over my belly and I couldn't help but smile.
but I didn't want to be a mom. not yet.
the door flew open and I flinched at the sudden action. Carlos was standing in the doorway panting with a look of excitement, but also worry on his face.
he relaxed his shoulders when he saw me and immediately walked in and closed the door, collapsing on the couch beside me, but was careful to not flop too hard to disturb me.
he turned so he was facing me and then reached down to place a hand over mine that was resting over my stomach.
"why did you open the door like that? I asked in a whisper as Carlos placed a kiss to my temple.
"honestly?" he asked. "I was afraid that you weren't going to be here,"
"I'm not going anywhere," I said as I turned to kiss him. "why can't you understand that?"
"I understand what you're saying, but I just don't know if I can believe it yet. the way you left me, Jezabelle, it really hurt me. and now having you back here like nothing happened is confusing me, to be honest. I'm so glad you're back and I wouldn't have it any other way, but I'm just so confused about it all. I still don't understand why you left to begin with,"
I sighed and removed my hand from underneath is. I turned over on to my side so I was facing him. I kissed his lips firmly, and then after I pulled back, I placed several small pecks over his lips.
"I wish I could explain what I was thinking when I left, but I really can't. I just needed a break from Houston, I guess,"
"and...me?" he asked quietly.
"kind of," I said, honestly. "but not because I wasn't happy with our relationship. I was just in a weird place. I was feeling so restless and overwhelmed with emotions that I went numb and wanted to stop dealing with them,"
Carlos nodded but I knew that there was still something bothering him. I knew exactly what it was, and I knew that he didn't want to be the one to bring it up.
"on the day that we went to the arcade I really bonded with Jake," I began.
I knew that he was wondering about this, and so I was going to tell him everything to keep him at ease.
"at first it was just being childish and silly together, but then when you, Alex, and George went to play football, we got into a deep conversation. it's like he knew something was bothering me, so I told him to go over to the patio so I could tell him,"
