be not nobody // Carlos Correa

leave me alone

the ride home was awkward and silent.

Carlos didn't speak a word to me and I wasn't about to push one out of him.

I didn't even look at him.

I stared out of the window looking at the Houston city as Carlos drove.

he usually would plug in his phone to his aux cord but it just sat in his cup holder and he ignored every text he received as his phone constantly went off.

when we got back to Carlos's house he barged in and threw his body on the couch.

he didn't turn on his TV or even bothered to get his bag out of his backseat, nor check his phone.

he just laid on his couch, staring up to his ceiling.

I walked in behind him and shut the door, placing my purse on the counter.

"Carlos. are you okay?" I asked as I walked over to him and put myself in the kneeling pose on the couch.

I knew whatever he said wasn't going to be said nicely, but it was worth a shot.

"leave me alone, Jez," he told me as he continued to stare up at the ceiling in oblivion.

"it's common to strikeout..." is what I began to say to try and make Carlos feel better but I struck one of his nerves instead.

"it doesn't matter, Jezabelle!" Carlos snapped, cutting me off. the anger in his voice made me jump.

"you're not supposed to strike out to the same pitcher more than once! I left runners on base each time I went up to bat and as the clean-up man, it's my job to be the best power hitter and to let those runs score!" he continued to yell at me. "just give me my space,"

Carlos sat up and and retreated into the bedroom.

I sighed and sank into the couch as he left me a blubbering mess, choking my tears back and feeling a lump in my throat form.

no one has ever yelled at me the way he just did and it completely took me off guard.

I suddenly became really upset at Carlos for snapping at me and all I wanted to do was leave.

I understood that baseball was very serious for him since he wanted to be the best player he could be, but I didn't want to be the person he lashed his frustrations out on.

I thought about what Noel said about him needing more now more than ever in these types of situations, but he wouldn't listen to what I had to say.

my phone went off and I turned it on silent, seeing I had a text from Noel.

"you doing okay?"

"he yelled at me, Noel," I texted her.

"what did he say to you?"

"to just leave him alone. I don't think I can stay here tonight, I don't want to,"

Noel's message bubble showed while she was texting but she took a while.

I set my phone down to wait for her response.

"Jezabelle. he isn't mad at you, he's mad at himself. this is something we all go through and i'm sorry he yelled at you. try talking to him again, if he snaps at you then just give him time. he'll come around. if not, you're more than welcome to come stay with us -- Marwin"

I re-read Marwin's text from Noel's phone over and over without replying back.

I did want to make Carlos feel better but I didn't know how, I was still new at being a baseball girlfriend.