Picking Up The Pieces (Working Title)

Am I Forgiven?

I’ll admit, when I woke up the next morning I felt a bit used, but what can you do, eh? A few weeks of playdates and actual dates passed, and Sarah asked me out. And I said yes. After all, I liked her, and what did I have to lose? The kids seemed to like her, and they got on well with Lewis, so they didn’t complain, and Mom was glad to see me with a girl again. She’d told me that she hoped I’d picked someone decent this time, since I seemed to have great taste in men and horrible taste in women. Dad even agreed to some extent. Mom and Dad has both taken my side over the whole Eden thing, and Mom had all but volunteered to try and slap some sense into her.

But for the most part, they seemed to approve of Sarah, or at least they approved of what I’d told them about her. Sarah spent a lot of time at the house, but she never brought Lewis with her. The two of them still lived in Sarah’s apartment and even though we had the space, I wasn’t exactly willing to move them in given what happened with me and Eden.

Sarah was round one afternoon, sat watching TV on the couch with me while Lily and Danny did their homework. Once Lily was done, she’d stood up and asked quite boldly if we could go to “Daddy’s house” at the weekend.

“Daddy?” Sarah questioned, looking over at her.

Lily nodded. “I left something behind when we moved”

I knew that was a lie, but I couldn’t fault her for wanting to go back there.

“Who’s daddy? Isn’t Hadley your daddy?”

“He’s my papa”

“She means my partner before he...” I trailed off.

“You were with a guy?” Sarah asked, arching an eyebrow. I nodded, and she did her best to hide the disapproving look. “Oh. What happened?”

"He passed away"

"Sorry to hear that"

I didn’t really know what to say to that, and Sarah went back to watching TV. I told Lily I’d take her and Danny back there at some point, watching TV for a bit before making a start on dinner. Sarah offered to help and I accepted, though she spent most of it trying to get in my pants. I put up with it while I cooked, all too used to it from Maxxie. I tilted my head as she nibbled at my neck.

"C'mon. The kids won't hear us in here" she said.

"No, but they might walk in"

"Put something up against the door" she said, palming me.

I bit my lip, tilting my head again as she nibbled at my neck, palming me. I won’t pretend I didn’t have a semi, and I won’t pretend it was getting kind of hard to resist.

"Please?" she asked innocently, kissing my neck.

I gave in, then. I’ve never been very good with pressure. She put something against the door, all but pinning me to the wall and having her way with me. I couldn’t help but wonder if this had anything to do with her finding out about Maxxie, but I didn’t voice my concern, getting back to cooking dinner once we were done. Sarah went and got the kids ready, and the four of us ate in relative silence. I smiled at Sarah when she kept looking at me, but the small smile she flashed me... I couldn’t help but feel like something was up.

"Are you okay?" I asked her after dinner as we were clearing away the plates.

"Mhm"

"Sure?"

"Yeah, just a little weirded out that you were with a guy"

"How come?" I asked, tilting my head a little.

"Never considered it before and then Lily called him her dad? When were you gonna tell me?"

I shrugged. "Whenever it came up, I guess"

After all, she’d never asked about him, and I didn’t really feel the need to tell her I’d been with a guy.

"How much did he mean to them? I mean, what am I competing with here?"

"Well, he was their father, so he meant a lot to them" I said, kind of confused.

"And you?"

"He was my husband, he meant everything to me"

"So what am I?"

"You're my girlfriend"

"What do I mean to you?" she asked and I arched an eyebrow slightly. "Answer me!"

"I don't know. I mean, I don't exactly love you, yet. I don't fall in love that easy, but you mean more to me than... I don't know how to explain it" I said and she went quiet. “Why?”

She shrugged. "Just wanted to know"

I hugged her waist from behind, kissing her neck innocently as I rested my chin on her shoulder.

"Sarah?" I asked innocently.

"I'm not in the mood, Hadley"

"Have I done something?"

"No, I just feel like I'm never gonna be important enough to you"

"You will be. One day" I smiled, nuzzling her neck.

I smiled as she leant on me, but she still didn’t really say anything. Which, y’know, doesn’t really help when you’re already convinced something’s wrong.

"I'm fine" she said eventually.

"Sure?" I asked and she nodded. "I didn't mean to upset you or anything"

"I know"

"Am I forgiven?” I asked and she nodded. I smiled happily at her, kissing her neck when she smiled back. "Are you staying here tonight?"

"No, I better get back to Lewis"

"'Kay"

"See you tomorrow"

"See you" I said, kissing her good bye.

She left once she’d grabbed her handbag, and I couldn’t help being paranoid that something was still up.