C'Mon, Would It Really Be So Bad?

I Was Wrong

"Ed! C'mon! I drove 4 hours here!"

He still stared at me, but now he was shaking his head in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

I didn't want to exactly say everything I planned to with a group of strangers staring at us. So the first excuse that popped in my head was, "My camera. I need my other camera back."

He let out a little laugh and then he started to walk away again. I knew I had to do something to stop him. So, swallowing all of my pride and saying something I never said, I shut my eyes and yelled, "I was wrong!"

It was quiet for a second, and when I opened my eyes back up, I was relieved to see Ed staring back at me and not just a view of his back walking away from me.

"You what?" He took a step towards me.

"I was wrong about everything. I'm sorry. I - " I looked around at all of the people. "Can we talk somewhere...alone?" I sounded completely desperate.

He crossed his arms and let out a huff. He glanced around at everyone too as he thought about it. And then he gave a little shrug.

"Why? Why should I give you any of my time after everything you said to me?"

"I know. I don't deserve it now. But..I had to try."

The look he was giving me was scary. I wanted to either burst into tears or run away. But I stayed. And I stared back, begging him with my eyes.

"Outside," he pointed to the door.

I nodded quickly, giving the guy blocking me one final mean mug and then hurried after Ed who was already walking towards the door. He went out first and didn't even pause to hold the door for me. Once outside he proceeded to walk to his bus and I followed him onto it. He sat down on the couch and I sat on the opposite end, afraid to get too close to him.

"I thought you told me to never speak to you again," he said, bitterly.

"I know. I was pissed. Hurt. But I, uh, I talked to my mom today. She told me everything you've done for her. I couldn't believe it. I had to say thank you. But...why would you continue to be so nice after everything?"

"Just because we broke up doesn't mean I stopped caring. About you or your family. I love your family. I would never not be there be there for them. If I can help in any way, I'm going to."

I was quiet for a second. "...even after how shitty I was to you?"

"Yes," he looked at me. "I get that I'm back and fourth with you and that's not fair. But I will never stop trying to be your friend. You'll see that one day."

"I do now," I nodded. "That's why I had to talk to you. I wanted to tell you how truly grateful I am for everything you've done for me and my family. And for never trying to stop being my friend, even after I said I hated you. I'm sorry."

He was silent for a minute, letting my words sink in. "Okay," he nodded slightly. And then he turned to look at me. "So you drove all the way here to tell me thanks and sorry?"

"Well you wouldn't answer my calls," I let out a little laugh. But he didn't laugh back. He didn't even smile.

"Right. Well, if there's nothing else, then I need to get going."

He started to get up, but I reached over and put my hand on his arm. "Wait..."

I looked up at him and nervously bit my lip. I was so nervous to say everything I wanted to, but I knew it was now or never.

"I feel like I made a huge mistake."

He froze for a second, and then he sat back down. I continued.

"I didn't mean all of those things. I shouldn't have been like that. The reason I was is because I was trying to protect myself. And the reason I got so mad was because I'm...100% completely, totally, crazy in love with you. I'm not over you because I don't really want to be. Honestly, I think you are it for me. I want to be with you, but I know we broke up for a reason. And then I fucked up any chance at a reconciliation by doing what I did to get back at you. But if I can't have you back, then I at least want to have you as friend like I used to. Even if it's going to be hard for me now. Even if it kills me now. I just...I need to have you in my life any way I can. Because my life would be miserable without you in it. I miss you."

He didn't say anything. He just leaned forward with his arms resting on his legs, his hands interlocked, and looked at the floor. You could cut the tension with a knife.

Just when I thought I couldn't take the silence any longer, it was broken by the sound of someone opening the door and coming onto the bus. It was Stuart and Kevin. They stopped when they saw us.

"Oh, sorry, didn't know you guys were in here," Kevin said.

"It's okay," Ed said. He stood up and looked at me. "Sam was just leaving."

I stood up too, not knowing what else to say or what to do. I just awkwardly stood there for a second.

"I have to go. We're leaving soon," Ed said quietly.

I just nodded and turned around to walk off of the bus and drive back home.