C'Mon, Would It Really Be So Bad?

The First Time

As soon as I was getting in my car to leave he started blowing up my phone. He called over and over and texted saying to come back and talk to him. I felt like throwing my phone out of my car window into the street. I just wanted to be back in my own apartment and cry it all out. 

I fucking knew this would happen. And this is what I deserved for breaking Shawn's heart. I should have known better than to take a chance on Ed. At least I tried though. And now I knew that he was an asshole and it would never work between us. I hoped that I could get over it fast and finally just move forward and stop thinking about him.

When I got home I turned my phone off and crawled into my bed, feeling exhausted from crying so much. I kept almost falling asleep but every time I dozed off I would have a panicky thought and my heart would start racing and I'd feel like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. What was I going to do now? I lost my boyfriend and my best friend. Not to mention what this might do to affect my work. Ed and Shawn and I knew a lot of the same contacts. Especially locally. Not to be dramatic, but maybe I should just pack up and move to Japan or something. 

These were my racing thoughts that were interrupted by Ed pounding on my door. I had no intention of answering it. I had nothing left to say to him and I didn't want to hear any more of his excuses or bullshit lies. I also didn't want him to see how upset I was. I had cried in front of him, but now my eyes were swollen, makeup that I never took off from last night was smeared all over my face and I kept bursting into sobs. I was embarrassed that he hurt me so much when we weren't even dating. 

I figured he would eventually give up and go back home, but he didn't. His knocks only got louder and longer. I heard him yell, "I'm not going to stop so you might as well let me in!"

My neighbors were going to get pissed. One of their dogs was barking like a maniac from all of the noise Ed was making. I threw the covers off of me and angrily stomped out to answer the door. I honestly planned to punch him in the face so he would know that this (us) was really done and he would never try to come back over here again. I couldn't keep going through this stress.

But as soon as I opened the door, he grabbed my face and kissed me. He pulled away and looked me in the eye. "I love you," he said. 

Of course I burst out into fresh tears. He started kissing me again and pushed his way into my apartment. He kicked the door shut behind him and turned me around so my back was up against it. We kissed urgently and our breathing became heavy. It was needy and desperate and long overdo. 

"The other girl - " I started to protest. I didn't want to be the other woman. The second choice. 

"Sam, there is no other girl. It was nothing, I feel nothing for her. All I was trying to do was distract myself from you because I thought I couldn't have you. You're the only one I want, okay? It's only you. It's always been only you."

My eyes moved back and forth as I searched his. And I saw sincerity. Honesty. Want. Love. I believed him. I realized that I was happy that he had come after me. I was happy he was here now and I wanted this to happen. 

I smiled and nodded, "Okay."

"Okay?" he repeated. He looked at me to make sure. I nodded again and saw relief wash over his face. He smiled huge as he used his thumbs to wipe the tears away from my cheeks. 

He bent down and grabbed behind my knees, lifting me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck and started kissing him again. He moved his mouth to the side of my neck and I let out a gasp as I felt his teeth. I jammed one of my hands in his hair and pulled hard. 

He held me against him and moved away from the door. We both fumbled with my shirt to get it off over my head. I threw it down on the floor and Ed started kissing my collarbone and the skin right above the cups of my bra. He was walking backwards and bumped into the couch. He let himself fall back and now I was sitting on his lap in a straddle.