C'Mon, Would It Really Be So Bad?

One Year Later

I was wrong. It was like as soon as I stepped foot in Los Angeles again, I was stepping into a different world from the one I had been living in for the past several months. Ed was barely responsive to any of my texts. He didn't call me. He didn't ever text me first. There was no mention at all of us seeing each other. I knew he was in another country currently, but it was different. I knew it was. I could feel a huge shift. 

Of course when I asked him about it, he said he didn't know what I was talking about and that everything was fine. I knew he was lying. But I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. I asked him about it, he gave me his answer, and that was that. I didn't bring it up again. I didn't push it because I knew I couldn't change it. You can't force someone to feel a certain way or control what they do. Our texts got shorter and farther apart until they just stopped altogether. 

But I never could stop thinking about him. It was pretty much all I thought about. Even when I wasn't actively thinking about it, it was there, in the back of my mind. Always. The whole thing had caught me so off guard. In my mind, Ed had gone from mysterious stranger to international superstar to my new boss to like a brother to me to someone I liked flirting around with to...this. Despite the flirting, I never thought anything would ever happen between us. I had never thought of him as more than a best friend and then the last day on tour he changed everything. 

As soon as I got home, I hung up the picture that he had framed of us. I already missed him way more than I thought I would. I was kinda in a slump about being back at home. It was so...quiet and boring. I wanted to be on a moving bus surrounded by tons of people. I wanted to walk off the bus and see him smiling on his way over to tell me good morning. I had to find all the ways I could to keep myself busy and distracted.

At first, I entertained the thought that maybe Ed was the "right" guy for me. You know, like in all of those rom-coms where the perfect guy has been under the girl's nose the entire time and she never realized it before. Did that actually happen in real life? 

Then I told myself that this was for the best because we lived in two different countries and it could never work out anyway. So essentially none of it mattered. It was just a fun few months and now it was over and that's all. Maybe this was just normal to feel after being on the road for so long and getting really close to people only to be uncertain if you would ever see them again. 

But no matter what way I looked at it, it hurt. It was confusing. I was pissed off. I was worried. I was really sad. I was embarrassed. I felt like such an idiot. I was very obviously being rejected and I never even saw it coming. I hadn't even wanted to kiss him in the first place! I told him it was a bad idea to start something like that right before I was leaving. And then I didn't take my own advice and I gave in and got burned.

I took the picture of us down and started turning the TV and radio off whenever he came on. I didn't want to see him or hear him or have to think about him. I just wanted the whole thing out of my mind and wanted to move on with my life. Maybe one day I'd look back on all of those months with Ed and it would just seem like an old dream. 

I continued working with Adam's company and that led to tons of other job opportunities. I still traveled some, but not consistently. I did a lot of local work. And I found a local guy. Shawn. He was a sound engineer. I kept running into him around the same places in LA where I was sent to work. After like three of these run-ins, we agreed it was most likely a sign instead of mere coincidence and we went out to dinner. 

And then we started dating. He was very funny, very rambunctious and very energetic. He was a couple of years older than me, but he had a very youthful personality. He was one of those guys who everyone likes and gravitates towards. He lit up any room he walked into and never met a stranger. He was very outgoing and extroverted and could talk to anyone about anything. He would keep talking forever if you let him. It was annoying and refreshing at the same time. He was just an overall good guy and he treated me very well. Things were going great with us.

It was a night at the Greek Theater that shook everything up. I wasn't working that event, but I liked the bands that were playing that particular night so I tagged along with Shawn since he was running the sound. Any time you hang around backstage at the more popular venues in LA (Hollywood Bowl, Fonda Theatre, The Greek, etc.) you had a very high chance of running into celebrities that are there either to watch their friends' shows or just to say hi to all of their friends that happen to actually be in the same city as they are for once.

Shawn and I already knew most of the people there that night from having worked with them before. I knew that Ed was a huge fan of one of the bands and was also good friends with them. That thought popped into my mind as soon as I had heard their name, but the thought that Ed might actually be there never crossed my mind until I saw him. 

I immediately looked away and turned my back to him, hoping he hadn't spotted me. I had no intention of talking to him or even looking at his damn face. It had been right around a year since I had last seen that face in person. It would be wonderful if I could manage to get myself out of there without coming anywhere near him. 

I had told Shawn all about going on tour to work with Ed and how we became pretty good friends. I never told him about that last day on Ed's tour bus. I wasn't trying to hide it. If he would have asked me, I would have told him the truth. But I just didn't like the idea of saying, "Yeah, on my last day he kissed me and then we made out on his bed and then I thought there was going to be something between us but he ghosted me." Who wants to hear their partner say that? Plus, I knew it would probably make me sound more like a groupie than a professional photographer. 

But like I said, there is no such thing as a fast exit with Shawn. He has to socialize. I tried in vain to hurry him out the door and away from everyone once he was done with work. As soon as one person saw him though, we were invited out for drinks and five other people came up to say hi and hug him. I knew some of them, but others that I didn't recognize asked him who I was. 

Shawn being Shawn, he had to be stupid and make a big deal out of it. "This lovely, beautiful, brilliant lady," - he had raised his voice to call everyone's attention to me because he knew how embarrassed I got. And then he gestured to me like he was presenting a prize and he got down on one knee like it was in appreciation - "is my girlfriend Sam."

Everyone laughed and the few that I didn't know shook my hand. And of course all of the noise had caught Ed's attention and he had walked over to see what was going on. When our eyes met we both looked like deer in headlights. Neither of us knew how we should react.

As soon as Shawn noticed Ed, he perked up even more. "Oh wow, hey! Babe, did you see that your friend Ed is here?" He looked over to me. 

I had to fake a smile and feign surprise. "Hey Ed, how have you been??" 

We awkwardly hugged very quickly. "Hey Sam, good to see you."

"Hey man, I'm Shawn. I'm Sam's boyfriend. I also run sound for these guys quite a bit. Looks like we have a lot of the same friends."

They shook hands. "Yeah, small world, man." I could tell Ed was uncomfortable. 

"You're coming for drinks, right?"

Ed looked at me and I gave him a look like don't even think about it. When he didn't answer right away, Shawn turned to look at me too.

"I'm sure you want to catch up, baby, yeah?"

What was I going to say - no?  Everyone was kind of standing around waiting to see who all was going to the bar so they could figure out who was driving which cars.

"Yeah," I lied. "Sure."