C'Mon, Would It Really Be So Bad?

A Confrontation

Things got a little out of hand. I had always handled breakups pretty well, except for this time. I was a mess. He had changed me by making me feel things I had never felt before - good and bad. Normally I had no problems with moving on from boyfriends. As soon as I made a clean break, I never looked back. Out of sight, out of mind. But I kept having this urge to call him or text him. I thought if I went out and had fun with my friends I would forget about it. I tried to fight the urge with alcohol and pot but I could never push it out of my mind completely. All I could think about was how to get back to Ed.

I had to get his attention somehow. No way was I going to sit back and let him forget about me while he rebounded with some other girl. That wasn't fair. I wanted to get even with him. I wanted him to be hurt and jealous like I was. I know now how dumb and petty that was, but at the time I thought it was a good plan. And then it turned from a good plan into (what I thought was) a brilliant plan when I ran into one of his friends.

I was out with a couple of my friends at a bar when I saw him. Perfect, I thought. I would go flirt with him, kiss on him a bit and fake interest so he'd ask me out. It would somehow get back to Ed, Ed would be super jealous, realize he still wanted to be with me and BAM. We'd get back together and laugh about ever breaking up in the first place. It would be like a wake up call. 

At the bar that night I made sure his friends and my friends saw me hanging all over him. I hoped they would all gossip about it afterwards. I took selfies of us and kept suggesting group pictures, hoping one would get posted online. He ended up asking me to leave with him and I announced to everyone that we were leaving together, followed by a drunken and sloppy kiss. 

When we got into his car, he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place or if I wanted him to just take me home. I almost went back to his place. I was so angry at Ed. But still, I just couldn't do it. I told him to take me home. When he pulled up to my place he kind of lingered for a minute to see if I would invite him in. When I told him goodnight instead, he leaned over to kiss me again. I stopped him before he could. As much as I wanted to get revenge, the thought of being physical with someone else made me sick to my stomach. Even if the same wasn't true for Ed who was probably hooking up with his new girl at that very second somewhere. 

As soon as I got out of the car and walked up to my door I started crying. What the hell was I doing? What was I thinking trying to start something with one of Ed's friends? This wasn't me. I didn't start shit...I always just let things be. Was I losing my mind? Had I been smoking and drinking way too much? I couldn't force Ed to want to be with me again, especially not by fucking around with his friend. I laughed to myself, realizing how ridiculous that idea had been. 

A few days went by and I had started to forget all about it, but then I got a text from Ed. My heart raced when I saw his name on my phone and I eagerly went to open the text. But it was very short and made me feel instant dread. I knew what it was about. It simply read, "Home? I'm coming over there now." 

I hadn't expected that. I thought it was most likely that he wouldn't contact me at all or if he did, it would be via text. I had never thought he might march over to my apartment and confront me face to face. That was a lot more nerve-wrecking. I thought about texting him back saying I wasn't home, but I knew better. He would still come over. He would see my car out front and know I was home. This is what I wanted, after all...to get his attention. I nervously texted back that I was home. 

He got there maybe 15 minutes later. As soon as I opened the door he brushed past me into the living room without a word or even a glance. I shut the door after him and took a deep breath to brace myself for the fight that was about to happen. I was probably wincing when I turned around to face him. 

"Tell me it isn't true," he glared at me. 

I didn't know what he had heard. "Tell you what isn't true?"

"Jack! Everyone is saying you hooked up the other night. You went home with him from the bar." 

I couldn't do anything except stare at him for a moment. His hands were balled up into fists down at his sides and his jaw was clenched. I had never seen him this mad before. He was actually kind of scaring me with the way he was looking at me. 

"Okay, I did leave the bar with him - "

He wasn't interested in anything else I had to say after that. "God DAMN it! Are you fucking kidding me!?" he screamed. 

He had so much rage that he picked up an empty glass sitting on the edge of my kitchen counter and threw it against the wall. The glass shattered into a million pieces as I let out a surprised yelp. I stood in front of him, frozen in fear. It was dead silent for a minute as Ed looked at the glass on the kitchen floor and also at me. 

"He gave me a ride home. That's it," I said quietly. 

He shook his head, not believing me. "Nope. Tony, Katie, Matt...they all saw you kissing. At the bar. Before you left with him."

I closed my eyes and breathed, trying to calm my nerves down. "Okay. Yes. We were drunk. We kissed. That's all that happened."

He chuckled bitterly under his breath. "Sam, there are pictures online. You were all over him!"

"Well what about you?? Huh!? You're already all serious with some new girl! Why would you care what I do!?"

His eyebrows raised in surprise. "Am I?"

"That's what Heather said when I ran into her."

"Mm," he grunted. "I see. And you just..automatically believed her?"

"Why would she lie to me? She said Rob saw you at the movie theater with her."

"I went to see a movie with a girl, yes. We hung out one more time after that and then I told her I didn't see things going any further. How in the fuck did that get twisted into me getting 'serious'?" He used air quotes around the word.

I held my hands out to my sides and let them drop. "I don't know Ed, why don't you tell me?"

"Why don't you take my word for it instead of assuming every rumor you hear is true and then try to use it to justify fucking my friend!?"

"Oh my god, I didn't FUCK your friend! I could have, but I turned him down. Maybe I shouldn't have though, after what you did to me."

"What did I do to you!? You're acting like I left you at the fucking altar or something! We broke up! We both said that we weren't happy anymore. Wouldn't the logical thing to do in that situation be to break up?"

"Break up and go on to the next one. Waste no time," I murmured.

"I rebounded! I didn't want to be sad and alone! Who does?? That doesn't mean I ever slept with her. Or kissed her or Christ, even touched her! Going to see a movie doesn't mean shit! You take one little thing and snowball it into the most extreme thing possible and then that's it. That's the truth. That's what happened in your eyes. Don't you ever stop to think that it's possible you may be wrong sometimes!?" 

I looked down at the floor. I was embarrassed. But I was still pissed off too. "To me, you going out on a date so soon after we broke up is just as bad as me kissing someone."

"He's my friend, Sam. That's a low blow and you know it." It fell silent again for a minute. I didn't know if there was anything left to say. Ed sounded a lot more calm when he spoke again. "What even is this that we're doing? We're trying to play games to get even and get revenge on each other like preschoolers. How did it even get to this point?"

"I don't know. I don't even know how it got to the point of us breaking up, Ed."