The Song Left Unstarted (Gerard Way)

Chapter 6 - I'm Okay, Trust Me

"Jade, are you okay?!" He shouted.

"I'M O-FUCKING-KAY, TRUST ME." I shout back. Then the banging stops, and he leaves.

Believe it or not, I want his company so bad. But I also want to be alone. I also remember this past week, and in came in all the hatred. I can't fucking move. I can't fucking breathe. How do I do this? I've lost 2 people that mean the world to me this week. How am supposed to fucking function. I finished all my drinks, and my head starts to hurt, but I don't care. I lie down on my bed. I stare at the ceiling, and feel the flow of tears roll down my cheek; I don't wipe them off. I can't move my arms. I stay like that for the rest of the night. I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. I was waiting for another call from my mom. Saying how there has been a mistake, and how she isn't dead. I pray so hard that she isn't dead.

"Can you hear me Grandma Helen? I miss you, and I really need you right now.

Grandma?

Are you near me? I can't feel you.

C'mon Grandma, you can't be dead. It's not fair. You never got to see how I ended up. I was going to show you all of my famous drawings, and I was going to introduce you to Gerard...We aren't friends right now, but he's great. He's amazing, Helen. I love him, Grandma; I love him so much it hurts. And I love you so much.

Why did you leave me? I know it's not your fault, but can we just pretend that you're still here with me?

Because I can't.

I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't speak, I can't feel anything. How am I supposed to go on? You taught me everything and more. How do you expect me to go on. You're dead, Grandma. And I'm still alive, and I wish that it wasn't. I wish you were here with me right now.

Please.

Don't.

Be.

Dead.

Because I need you to fix me, I'm not okay, I promise."

It took me a while to realize that I had said everything aloud. Maybe she can hear me better like that.

"Grandma?"

And I swear, I swear to god I heard something say,

"Oh Jade, I am so, so sorry..."

And that's when I passed out. Drowned in my own tears.

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Gerard's POV

I love her.

I can't stop thinking about her. I can't get her out of my head. And that terrifies me.

After taking her to her Photography class, I was filled with different emotions. And one that I had never felt before; love. I never loved someone this much. It was strange. I only had known her for 3 days, and I already love her.

Who wouldn't? She is the most amazing person I have ever met. She's beautiful, talented, funny, smart and has great taste in music. She's so sensitive, and vulnerable; it makes me want to hug her all the time. But I'm so confused. I don't know what to do with this emotion. Do I tell her about how I feel about her? But what if she doesn't like me back.

When class is over, I leave and walk to the nearest coffee shop. I sit there for hours. I couldn't get my mind of her blue eyes. And how different they looked when she laughed, and when she cried.