Chapter Twenty-One

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"Yeah, because I chose to be gay." Ambrosius's voice oozed sarcasm.

"What was that?" Hades demanded.

"Nothing," Ambrosius replied uncomfortably, "But, father, please. This is all I'll ever ask you for ever."

"Oh, sure," Hades drawled, "And then for your birthday you'll ask for things and use the fact that it's your birthday as an excuse. I have seven other sons, Ambrosius. I'm not stupid. I know how this whole begging thing works, and as cute as it is coming from you, it's not going to work. You have a job to do, so fuckin' do it."

"I am," Ambrosius insisted desperately, "But the soldiers are making it difficult. Without you around to keep them in order, they're retaliating. We've seemed to placate them now, but it won't last. I know it won't. They hate me."

"What?" Hades sounded genuinely confused. Did he really think his soldiers would respect Ambrosius merely because of his title? He apparently never had to worry about such things.

"They do," Ambrosius said, the grimace in his voice clear, "They don't want to work under a child."

"You are not a child," Hades snapped impatiently, "Are they the ones who called you that?"

"Father, it doesn't matter--"

"It fucking does. Any soldier that even looks at you the wrong way, you have my permission to wipe them from existence."

"Father, I can't kill someone because they don't like me."

"Sure you can. I do it all the time."

"Yeah," Ambrosius said, dragging out the word, then sighing in frustration, "Can't we talk about Thorn? He isn't bad. I swear. He's... He's different. He doesn't treat me like a child."

"That makes me sick."

"I didn't mean it like that. He treats me like a person."

"Now you just sound like your mother."

"Father!"

"Ambrosius, I don't give two shits if he treats you like a prince or if he buys you cupcakes or cakes or whatever. He's a son of Lucifer. Emphasis on the son part, by the way. I'm getting really pissed and suspicious as to why every fucking kid I've had is a faggot. Seriously. What am I doing wrong that makes you so gay? Shouldn't my overall personality turn men off for you? What is it about women that turns you off? Is it the breasts? They come in size small too, you know."

"I really do not want to talk about women with you."

"Why not? I'd much rather you tell me about some girl's tits than some dude's dick. The amount of gay going on around me is making me love women even more. I mean, before it didn't matter, but now? Dear god. I'm sick of men."

"You're ranting again."

"Fuck yes, I'm ranting again. You're pissing me off, Ambrosius. You know your job, do it. I don't care how nice Thorn is to you. You're not dating him and that's final. If you even so much as bring the topic up again, I'm going to lock him in The Room and you can weep at night knowing it was your fault he's there. Do I make myself fuckin' clear?" Hades demanded. There was a suffocating pause that made my heart ache for Ambrosius. Surely he couldn't know what his father was doing if he was that desperate to be together with me, right? If Hades launched a war, it would mean he couldn't be anywhere near me. Or maybe he did and he was just trying to save me? I wasn't sure.

"Yes, sir." Ambrosius's voice sounded small.

"Good," Hades seemed relaxed now, "And stop making that kicked puppy face, kid. I'm not doing this because I like torturing you. I really don't. Ambrosius, to be honest, I think the thing that bothers me the most is that you're turning into your brothers."

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