RWBY: Deadpool!!!

DEADPOOL (2008) #10

Four Months Later

Whitney Schnee was having an argument with a pizza delivery guy. "Aren't you Whitney Schnee, of the Schnee Family Home?" asked the pizza guy. Whitney answered, "Yes. The same Whitney Schnee who didn't order a pizza!" The pizza guy frowned, "Look, I'm not really in financial help right now. So you better pay up." Whitney gritted his teeth as he snapped, "Fine, I'll take the pizza. But I didn't order it!" A voice said behind Whitney, "I know you didn't." Whitney turned to see a masked man wearing a red and black suit with katanas on his back and wielding two guns at both Whitney and the pizza guy. It was Deadpool. "I did," added the Merc With A Mouth. He looked at the pizza guy and asked, "Pineapple and black olive, right?" The pizza guy nodded nervously. Deadpool grinned, "Sweet and salty. Did they burn the crust, too?" The pizza guy replied, "No!" Deadpool glared, "I specially told them to burn the damn crust." He clicked his guns and ordered, "Get in here!"

Deadpool led Whitney and the pizza guy to the living room as the mercenary pulled his mask up to his nose and grabbed the pizza box. Deadpool then began eating the pizza as Whitney and the pizza guy were watching. Deadpool mumbled, "Mmmm. Would be so much better if they...." Then he noticed them as he exclaimed, "Don't argue with me!" The pizza guy asked Whitney, "Is he talking to us? What the hell?" Whitney asked nervously, "E-Excuse me s-sir. What are you doing in my house?" Deadpool finished his pizza as he stood up and answered, "I'm here to perform a contract killing." Then he belched much to Whitney and the pizza guy's disgust. "Dude," sputtered the pizza guy. "That's... That is cold, man! You snuck into this guy's house, ordered a pizza... ate the pizza, and now you're going to kill him? What the hell, man?" Whitney was sweating up and trembling. "I'm not here to kill him!" Deadpool frowned. "I'm here to kill you, Gavin." The pizza guy, now named Gavin, was surprised as he asked, "But why?" Deadpool pulled his mask down as he pointed his gun at him and replied, "Tonya Patterson. Name ring any bells?" Gavin shrugged as Deadpool sighed, "Then let me refresh your memory. Back in high school when you were all 'Mister Popular Super Jock', you started a particular heinous rumor about young Ms. Patterson. A rumor that had no basis in fact. That rumor was so heinous that her boyfriend Lee, who was a really nice guy, dumped her immediately. None of the other guys wanted to date her because of what you said about her and none of the girls wanted to associate with her because of what you said about her!" Whitney raised his hand up as he said, "Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt this whole thing, but what was the rumor?" Deadpool gestured to Whitney as he spent a few minutes whispering in his ear about Gavin's rumor. Gavin was frozen scared as Deadpool was still pointing his gun at him. When Deadpool finally finished, Whitney gave Gavin a look and said, "You sir, are very sick." Deadpool shrugged, "I have to agree."

(DP/N: You readers don't want to know what Gavin said about Tonya... Just play along so I can give the little shit what he deserves.)

"That was like, nine years ago, man!" protested Gavin, holding his hands up in defense. Deadpool walked toward him with his gun in the air as Gavin was backed up to a wall. "That rumor still haunts her to this very day," glared Deadpool. "People still snicker about it behind her back. At the grocery store, at the gas station. No decent man wants her, and the guy she ended up marrying is a total loser who no one else would take! And the kids that he stuck with her are even worse than their dad! You ruined that girl's life, Gavin..." Gavin cried, "I-I'm sorry, but come on! That bitch needs to get the hell over it!" Deadpool shot Gavin in the head as he said coldly, "She's about to."

Whitney threw up on the floor as Deadpool protested, "Oh, come on, man! I just ate!" Whitney wiped his mouth as he apologized, "Sorry. That man deserved that. So, I'm not going to call the authorities or anything..." He then sees the dead Gavin as he shrugged, "Well, maybe I'll to call them eventually... but I won't tell them that I saw your face or anything." Deadpool reminded, "You haven't even seen my face." Whitney nodded, "Yes, I mean, no! S-So you can just... leave." Deadpool looked around and asked, "If this is the Schnee Family Home, then where's your daddy?" Whitney answered, "He's in... a business meeting." Deadpool shrugged, "Lucky you, you're loaded. Me? Just broke. And that Gavin job back there, that only put 500 lien in my pay account which doesn't even cover..." Whitney suggested, "You could just take some lien from the Family Vault. I know the codes and I'm... fine with that." Deadpool shrugged while spinning his gun on his finger, "Not really my thing, but for you..." Whitney watched the spinning gun as Deadpool suddenly holstered it much to his relief. Deadpool smiled under his mask, "For you, I'll make an exception."