My Brittle Barricade

Chapter 16

So I didn't really sleep last night and I was looking in the mirror and I was pale and I was looking at my self but it didn't feel like me. 
My eyes looked all red and you could see that I was crying a lot and that I didn't sleep at all
I was all dressed in black.
All the  neighbour said the "I'm sorry"and "I'm here if you need anything I'm here for you "
I was walking into my home and I saw Meredith's and Johnny's toy all on the ground and police walking around the house and  I made it to Meredith room and I couldn't believe I was never going to see them again.

I'm never going to run to uncle for a joke.
I'm never going to auntie for a hug and advice on problems I had.
Meredith is never going to run to me and call me big sister and Johnny.
I'm never going to be able to hold Johnny ever again.

Today was their funeral and I had to watch them all leave my life.

The day before.

I woke up too Meredith running into my room and asking me again " Beatrix are your sure you can't come to daddy award show."
"No Meredith I told you I can't go it's Emily last day and I'm saying good bye to her"
Auntie Amanda came in and said "Sweetie if Beatrix does not want to come we can not make her or force her to come, this is going to be a hard day for her because she is saying goodbye too a friend that she is never going to see again"

That's one thing that I love about auntie Amanda she can alway make people understand thing , I guess it was her job.

Uncle Jeremy had a award ceremony for work were he got medal for the great work he has been doing in the last 10 years.
And they were all going to it but I couldn't Emily was leaving and I had to say my last good bye.
Uncle Jeremy and auntie Amanda knew how important it was for me to try say goodbye to Emily even if she didn't want to see me.

And I knew late in the night they would be getting back so I told Meredith first thing in the morning that we would see each other and we would have the rest of our life's to play with each other and tell secrets and bake and watch all the funniest movies.

So It was late in the evening and I  was standing at the front door saying goodbye and  watching as they drove off down the road. And planing to go to Emily soon after I make some dinner for myself, auntie Amanda knew I would only have some junk food for dinner so as she was leaving she said that she made me some pasta with some mixed veggies and it's all ready on the side  just to heat it up and enjoy.
I loved how they took care of me.

So I finished my dinner auntie made and I was washing it all up and putting it all away.  I didn't want them to come home to a messy kitchen.
And I then decided to walk down to Emily home.

It was so cold outside and all I could see was the light moon out in the sky and streets lights .
I walked up Emily footpath and it was empty I thought they alway had a car there and now I was at her door , this was weird too the door was open , I walked In and shouted " emily "
There was no answer.
I callled again and still no answer.
I rang her mobile and a operated voice said that this mobile has been deactivated.
I looked around her house and and it was empty.
I ran down the hall to her bedroom  and it was empty no bed or wardrobe just a small box with out stuff in it.

She left me
She went and didn't tell me.
I couldn't say goodbye to her.
I didn't know where she has gone .
She just left , how could she do that to me , leave me like that.

I ran back out side and it was raining now.
I was so upset that she would do that.
I knew that she didn't want to see me but for her to leave and not come find me to actually say goodbye , I thought we were friends but now I guess not.

I started to run back home , it was pouring with ran now and it was dark there was no moon in the sky and the streets lights didn't help me much but I didn't care.
I couldn't believe that she would do that to me after everything I told her and everything we went though.
I guess I know what it's like to get hurt but a friend now .

Let me check that off my life list.
Mother leaving ... check
Father dying and leaving me like that ... check
Stepmother hurting me in so many ways ... check
Now Emily my friend hurting me like this ... check

I made it home now. I was drench in water from  the rain and auntie and uncle still weren't back and I knew that  they wouldn't be back to a lot later .
So I just so tried from all the  running and I just took off my jacket and fell on the couch and fell asleep.

I woke up to banging on the door .
I was so sleepy and didn't want to answer it and it just continued.

I woke up more and sleepily walked over to the door.
And I woke up right away when I saw a 3 police officer and a police cars outside .
I opened the door and I had a feeling in my stomach that something bad has happened but I didn't want to believe it.
I kept telling myself that they have the wrong house.
One women officer said " hello miss is this the house of Mr Jeremy and Amanda Adams. "
I said " yes what's this about "
Another officer said " you must be there Foster child "
I said " yes" again still unsure of what is happen.

The first officer said " miss there's been a collision and you may want to sit down before I tell you the rest"

I started to cry there and then, it all just came out.
" no no no Amanda told me that they should be back around 8 am "
I looked at the time on my phone and it was 11:27am.

The officer spoke again and said " I afraid in the early hours of the morning the car skidded off the road due to the heavy rainfall "

" how bad was the crash did anyone survive" I said
She replied  with " the car skidded and rolled down the road.
There was no surviver."

" what happen now " I said " what's happen to me "
" child service  will take you now until they can't find you a permanent place. And there outside , they will come in and talk to you "The other office by the door said .

They left and this old mean looking women came in and said in a harsh tone " I will be back in 20 minutes.  Get what ever you want to bring and we will go to my office"

The first office that was at the door came and sat down beside me and said " we need you to come down to the station and identify the bodies, it's just for the paper work."

I had less then 20 minutes  to get my stuff and leave for good.
Can this day get any worst.

I was ready and about to leave and I ran into Meredith  room and I just want I remember one last time.
And one photo that I gave her was looking out at me and I knew I had to grab it.
It was a picture of the first trip I went on with them. I had it printed and put into a nice frame for her 7th birthday and Amanda help me pick out the frame.

I was down in the station now and I was about to walk into a room  and see them.
I didn't know how to feel and I didn't have anyone . I was completely alone now.
I had a family . My perfect happy ending ruined .
It was over . I didn't know how to go on from this .
I was standing outside the room and I knew my life was over right now.
I walked in and just broken seeing them there made it all seem real now they were gone. I ran out of the room and broken down in tears in the middle of the hallway.

I felt a pair of arms pick me up and bring me to a room and sat me down and when I stopped crying I was handed a plastic cup of water and it was the same officer form the house and that mean looking women came in and ask to speak to her alone of a moment.

Just as the office was leaving I was looking at the table and I notice some items that were there's.
The officer said " you may take what you like to remember your family "

I was alone In the room now and I was holding Johnny teddy bear , he never went anywhere without it.
I saw Jeremy and Amanda phones and wedding rings and Amanda's neckless .
I knew I wanted that , it was the same picture Meredith had but in a smaller form.
When I told Jeremy what I was getting Meredith for her  birthday he wanted to do the same for Amanda birthday but in a neckless.

I took it and opened it and I saw Jeremy, Amanda , Meredith, Johnny and me .
I put it on me and put in under my jumper.
The metal was cold on my chest and made me feel happier, the last person to wear this was her and I will now wear it  forever to remember them.