Meet Me in the Grey (Reylo fanfiction) (COMPLETED)

Chapter 6: Sorrow and Joy

Deep down inside, she had always known that her parents were dead, but she had been young, and she so desperately needed something to live for, something to believe in. In the many lonely hungry nights when she cried herself to sleep in her toppled At-At, her only comfort was to cling to the idea that they would return for her. She would listen for their voices on the wind. Every new day she would walk outside into the blazing sun and look into the horizon, hoping against hope that somehow they would just be there. Sometimes when she was delirious from hunger and dehydration she would see them there, beckoning to her, she would run to them and they would vanish into the wind. She could never let herself accept that they would never return because she had nothing else to live for.

The people you are waiting for, they are never coming back!

Maz had spoken the truth that she had always known in her heart. The finality she had never dared to accept. The illusion shattered.

But why? Who took them from her? She knew the answer – Snoke. His dark presence reached across the galaxy, spreading death and destruction, and worst of all, corruption. She knew that he had poisoned Ben Solo against his family, against everything that the light stood for, but even then, she felt hatred for the man who had betrayed all those who she now held so dear.

In her mind he had been weak, a fool to believe lies. Why had he been so foolish? What lies had Snoke whispered to him when they were alone? What poison could turn a man against his own family? Master Luke had warned her that it is very easy to be seduced by the dark side, and she knew this was true because there were moments when she had felt herself slipping too close to the darkness, but she had never been broken, she had never given in. Why had he?

She knew she didn't understand. She wanted answers that only he could give. Why he had turned, and what hand did he play in the death of her family? The time had come to seek the truth.

Luke did not pounce on her with questions once she awoke, he waited patiently until she satiated her ravenous hunger and thirst from the taxing days of spiritual journey she had just been on. At last when she sighed contentedly and pushed away her plate, she spoke.

"Well, you were right. I'm not a Jedi. I'm...Grey. I can't tell you all that I felt, all that I saw and experienced...I just...can't, but I do know. I know so much now. All that would have taken you years to teach me, I understand now. All the knowledge given to me by those who are long lost, I can't express it all in words, but I know the meaning. I know the path between the light and darkness. It is where I belong."

"For so long, we have waited for someone to bring balance to the force. Some had believed my father was supposed to be that chosen one. What is balance?" he asked.

Her eyes seemed to unfocus, as if she was pulling the knowledge from a deep inner well. "One can counteract the force of sadness or anger, by also experiencing great joy. One can know fear, and still act with courage. One can feel the deepest passion, and also know the most profound peace. And one can know the fieriest depths of hatred, and still act out of purest love. There is a safe path between all these; it is the path of the Grey."

"My happiness can negate my sadness," she continued. "I must be brave even when filled with fear. I must walk with my passions in one hand and my serenity in the other, but my hatred still scares me. I see now why the darkside relies on it so much for its power. It is power! And if I am to someday challenge Snoke, I know I will need to draw on that power, but without also knowing love, it could destroy me. I...I don't know that I can love anything that much. I love you, and all my friends, you are like the family I always longed for...but, I feel it inside...that it won't be enough! The things I love are what I must fight for. It's what will save me from the darkness, but I've been alone for so long...so very very long. What if I can't ever love anything that much?"