What If I Do?

Chapter 14: The First Cut Is The Deepest

December 13th, 1993

I was nervous to be back in Seattle. After Dave and I broke up, I moved to LA with my aunt. I went back to school and would be graduating next year. A lot of things had changed since I left. Dave moved in with Barrett and now had a new girlfriend named Jennifer. Krist was till with Shelli and Kurt and Courtney had a 1 year old daughter named Frances. I hadn't seen anyone since Dave. I focused on school, work and painting. I had made a couple of friends out in Laguna when my aunt forced me out there the summer I moved out here. I was back in Seattle though because my dad told me to come get my stuff because he was moving to an apartment. He was still drinking pretty heavily and I was worried for him. I came down to visit for awhile after I left but after getting a black eye and a broken arm, I said enough was enough and stopped. I talked to Abby and Krist everyday on the phone. I was also in town because Krist had told me they were performing at Pier 48 and begged me to come. I promised I'd come if Abby came with me and Krist said done. Abby and I were on our way to the venue to see the guys. I couldn't wait to see Krist and Kurt. This would also be the first time I would meet Frances. Kurt invited me to her first birthday but it had been last minute and I already had plans. I pulled into a parking space at the venue and Abby and myself got out of the car. We headed to the back of the building where Krist told me to go and I saw him. He wasn't hard to spot considering his height. I wolf whistled at him and shouted owe owe and Krist turned around. He did and double take and then smiled wide.

"Lookin good Novoselic," I said as we walked towards each other.

"Right back at you Lane. I almost didn't recognise you with that blonde hair but only you would whistle at me like that," Krist said back as we hugged. Krist hugged Abby as I noticed Kurt by the door.

"I needed a change. You like?" I asked as I flipped my hair over my shoulder.

"I do. God you look great Britt. Really you do. Hey Kurt look who I got to come to a show finally," Krist said as he put an arm around my shoulder and we started walking towards Kurt.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes. How are you Britt?" Kurt asked once we got up to him.

"Better. How are you?" I asked.

"Pretty good. Hey you wanna meet Frances finally?" Kurt asked. He lit up when he brought her up.

"Oh my god. Yes of course I do. I'm sorry I had plans when you invited me to her birthday. The guys wouldn't let me leave early," I said as we walked towards Kurt's trailer.

"It's fine. Dave was there with Jennifer so it probably would have been awkward for you. So you seeing anyone yet?" Kurt asked as he opened the trailer and we walked in.

"Uh no not yet. Focusing on school. It's my last year. Oh my god she's adorable," I said when I saw her. Kurt picked her up and came over to me.

"Britt this Frances and Frances this is one of my best friend's Brittany," Kurt said. My heart ached as I looked at her.

"She's so adorable. Can I hold her please?" I asked.

Kurt nodded and gave her to me and her and I just looked at each other. Kurt and I hung out and played with Frances until Courtney showed up. Her and I hugged and talked for a bit before I went to go find Krist and Abby. I was going through my purse looking for my smokes when I ran into someone.

"Woah sorry. Wait a second, Brittany?" the person asked as he stopped me from falling. I looked up and saw I had walked right into Dave.

"Hi Dave," I said as I took a couple of steps back.

"I didn't know you would be here," Dave said as I saw Abby and Krist come up behind him with Shelli and someone I didn't know.

"I invited her," Krist said before Dave could continue

Dave turned to face Krist and moved over to the girl that was beside Shelli. Shelli and I hugged each other quickly before Dave introduced me to Jennifer, his now fiancé. I excused myself for a cigarette after awhile and Abby came with me. We went to my car and I hit the steering wheel once before putting the keys in the ignition.

"Are we leaving?" Abby asked as I turned them so I could listen to the radio.

"No. I just need a minute. I just," I stopped when I looked at my keys. I had never given him the keychain I bought him for his birthday. I put it on my keys when I got my new car in LA.

"We can leave if you want. I can tell you're about to cry," Abby said as she started rubbing my back.

"He's engaged Abby. Fucking engaged," I said as the tears started flowing.

"It sucks. It totally fucking sucks. She's not even that nice. She told me she doesn't want kids because it'll ruin her body," Abby said and I laughed a tiny bit.

"God I need to move on. I focus on school and go hang out in Laguna on weekends with my friends and I'm fine. I see him once and I'm a mess. I never should have came back," I responded with.

"You had to get your stuff from your dads. It was the last weekend. You stayed an extra two nights for Krist. You are here for Krist and Kurt. Don't let Dave's stupid ugly face change or ruin that," Abby said.

"He's not ugly," I said and started laughing.

"I know but I got you laughing. Let's have a smoke, smoke some weed and then walk our asses back in there and act like he doesn't matter," Abby exclaimed and I couldn't help but smile.

"Sounds like a great plan. Thanks girl," I said and she leaned over and hugged me.

We were smoking a cigarette when Krist came and got in the car with us. He asked if I was ok and I said I would be. We smoked up with Krist before we went back in. When we walked in, Abby and I had our arms interlocked together and neither of us gave Dave any attention as Krist walked us to get drinks. Soon it was time for the guys to go on. I had fun watching two of my best friends perform with my other best friend. I glanced over at Dave a few times during the show and noticed he had her name tattooed on him. I liked the way the new guy played. He had a lot of energy and looked badass as fuck. After the show at the after party, I walked over to the new guy and introduced myself. I was a little tipsy and felt like flirting a bit.

"Hey I'm Brittany," I said and held my hand out.

"I'm Pat. I've heard about you. You're prettier than the guys let on," Pat responded after he kissed the back of my hand. I blushed and smiled as he let go of my hand.

"You mean Kurt and Krist right?" I asked as I saw Dave walk into the room.

"Dave too. He speaks very fondly of you. So how long you in town for?" Pat asked as Dave walked past us.

"I leave tomorrow morning," I replied. Pat put a hand on my hip and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Dave's watching us. Let's go out for a smoke," Pat said.

I spent the rest of the night hanging out with good friends and just having fun. I tried not to be around Dave but it was unavoidable. He came over and joined me, Krist and Kurt as we were laughing and talking about something stupid. When Abby and I decided to leave, I hugged everyone but Dave. Abby and I were walking to my car when I heard my name though. I looked and saw Dave running towards me.

"Dave I gotta go. I got an early morning and a day of driving ahead of me," I said as Abby and I kept walking. I could hear his footstep slowing down until they were in sync with ours.

"Can we just talk for two seconds please?" Dave asked. I stopped dead in tracks and turned to face him causing him to almost walk into me again.

"I'll be in the car," Abby said and walked away.

"Okay what do you want to talk about?" I asked as I looked at him.

"I just want to know how you've been. Is that ok?" Dave asked.

"I'm fine. completely one hundred and ten percent fine. I'm back in school and away from you like you wanted. Now I'm walking away before I cry again. Good bye David," I said and walked towards the car. I got in and Abby drove off. When we got back to Abby's the tears started falling and wouldn't stop. I would never admit it out loud but I was still head over heels in love with him.