One Direction // One Shots

Nouis :: You Are My Sunshine

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."

Niall Horan was seventeen years old, and his best friend, Louis Tomlinson, was twenty-one. It was peculiar how they met, really. It was a typical "Lover meeting in a coffee shop" scene, only they weren't lovers. That didn't necessarily mean Niall didn't wish they were, though.

Niall thought about it on a daily basis, him and Louis being together. He had enough courage swelled up in his heart, though, that as soon as he turned eighteen in two months, he would ask Louis on a date. From there, he'd ask Louis to be his boyfriend if Louis said yes. It was illegal right now, to ask Louis if they could date, so all he had to do was wait.

It was perfect, too. They've been friend ever since Niall was fifteen and Louis was nineteen. Niall had been out for the first time all by himself, and he met Louis. Louis found out Niall was depressed, and he didn't leave. Louis found out Niall harmed himself sometimes, emotionally and physically sometimes, and he kept Niall happy as much as he could. When Louis moved in to his own flat, Niall began coming over every day, and Louis never got annoyed. They were perfect, and Niall was almost sure Louis loved him back.

"You make me happy when skies are grey..."

Niall was feeling particularly sad today. He looked up at the sky, looking for some sunshine, because sunny days always made him feel better. But it was grey and dark, kind of like his mind right now. And it was five o'clock in the morning, with the news calling for rain and grey skies all weekend.

Niall sighed. As early as it was, he called Louis. Louis picked up within the first three rings.

"Hello?" Louis asked, his voice scratchy from just waking up. He sounded off, today. Even if it was morning, he didn't sound like he usually did. But Niall didn't notice. He was too caught up in his depression to notice.

"Louis," Niall muttered, sniffling. He hadn't realized he'd begun to cry until now, and he wiped away his tears with one hand. "I don't wanna go to school today. I don't wanna do anything today."

"Niall, you have to." Louis said. He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes, glancing around his dark room. "It's okay. You're okay, I promise. Just go downstairs and get some breakfast, watch some TV- anything but the news."

"Okay." Niall murmured. He smiled a little, knowing how much Louis hated the news. Almost as much as he did. "Can you- can you talk to me for a minute? I just- can you tell me a joke or something?"

"You really want to hear one of my cheesy jokes?" Louis asked, his voice full of sarcasm, and Niall laughed. He felt lighter, now, just hearing Louis' voice. And then Louis laughed, and Niall was laughing so much harder.

"Just the mention of my jokes makes you laugh." Louis said, letting out another little chuckle. "I'm so pro at this."

"You are." Niall said. The two of them fell silent after a few more chuckles, and Niall was biting at his lip. "I'm gonna go do what you said. I'll see you after school, yeah?"

"Right." Louis said, and Niall didn't think about how Louis always said "yeah," or "I can't wait," because he was still in his own mind. "Bye, Niall. I love you."

Louis hung up. Niall still wasn't thinking- wasn't think about how Louis said "I love you." when he usually didn't or how he hung up first when he usually let Niall hang up first, because Niall just wasn't thinking.

"You'll never know dear, how much I love you..."

Niall had his back-pack still on his back as he jogged to Louis' house, tears in his eyes. He was upset, really fucking upset, and all he wanted right now was Louis. He wanted Louis to hold him, to kiss him, to tell him everything was going to be okay. Because that's what Louis did. He always told Niall he would be okay.

Niall didn't even knock on Louis' door. He rushed straight in, expecting Louis to be on the couch. He always was, just in case Niall decided he wanted to come over that day. He was always waiting, always ready to pick up the phone if Niall rang, always ready to ring Niall if Niall forgot to or had been to busy with homework to remember.

Louis wasn't there, though. The house was silent when usually it would be filled with the sound of the television or Louis making tea in the kitchen. It was too quiet, though, and it made Niall's blood run cold. He hated silence like this, because silence always meant something bad in his life.

"L-Lou?" Niall's voice shook with worry and tears. He sniffled and headed upstairs, lugging his back-pack with him. He regretted not putting it down, but he wasn't up to going back downstairs to put it down or leaving it on the stairs. He dealt with the weight of it. That wasn't his main problem right now, anyhow.

"Louis?" Niall called again. He felt like some sort of criminal, snooping around a seemingly empty house. Louis wasn't in his room or in the main bathroom. When Niall went to check Louis' bathroom, he saw light flooding through the bottom of the door. Louis must be in there.

Niall knocked on the door. When he didn't get a reply, he tried to open it. There hadn't been any noise coming from the bathroom, so he didn't expect Louis to be peeing or showering, and he wasn't. Niall hadn't actually expected Louis to be in here at all, but he was.

"Lou?" Niall whispered, the tears in his eyes multiplying by the second. Louis was in there, but Niall almost didn't notice him. He was laying in the tub, which was full of blood red water. His head was under the surface, and his eyes were closed. The water was perfectly still, so it was clear Louis hadn't just been under for a few moments. Louis wasn't moving, Louis wasn't breathing. Louis was bleeding. Louis was dead.

"Louis?" Niall whispered again. He caught a glimpse of something on the bathroom counter, and he glanced over at it. It was a folded piece of paper. Niall, shocked, didn't even look back at Louis' drowning body as he stepped forward taking the piece of paper. He unfolded it. There were paragraphs of words, all in Louis' handwriting. At the top, it read Dear Niall, and Niall's hands began shaking as he took to reading it.

I wish this was real, me and you. I know how much you tell me you love me, but I know you don't. It's killing me, really, how much I just want to be with you without interference. Can we be together, Niall?

I'd love to explain to you why I'm doing this, but you wouldn't understand. I just want you to know that it's not you fault. I love you, and you may or may not love me. I don't know. I'm just really depressed, Niall, and I know it may not make much sense to you, because I'm always so happy around you. It's not an act. I haven't been pretending. I'm so happy around you, Niall, and that's the problem. I can't have you, and you make me happy. Without you, I'm just depressed. Do you see the problem here, Niall?

Once again, it's not your fault. It's mine. Mine for falling in love with you, mind for not keeping my happiness on low key and just being your best friend. I don't know what's wrong with me, Niall. I don't know why I'm leaving you. I know I make you happy, you tell me all the time. I'm just selfish. I can't stick around to keep you happy because I'm not happy. How much of a bitch am I?

I've kept you happy for this long, Niall, because that's all I want. I just want you to be happy and live a normal, carefree life. You're only seventeen. I'm twenty-one. I know how terrible it was to be a depressed teen. I don't want you to go through that.

Which brings me back to not making sense. Because I make you happy, and I want you to be happy, and then what do I go do? I fucking kill myself. Selfish, selfish me. But I won't want you to be happy when I can't want anymore. I can't want when I'm dead.

I'm sorry, Niall. I never deserved you. Look how awful I am, trying to make myself sound better by saying I won't want when I'm dead. What's wrong with me, Niall? Why do I want you so bad? Why am I so selfish?

I love you, and I hope you can forgive me and be happy on your own. It's a bit too late for me to go back, now. I can't think of anything other than leaving. Move on, okay? Go ask out that Harry boy. I love you, -Louis.

P.S. I never actually told you a joke this morning. I'd think one up, but I can't. I'm sorry.

Niall, still working on auto-pilot, folded the note and put it in his back pocket. He turned to Louis's body in the bathtub, stepped forward, then fainted, hitting his head off the ground a moment later. Louis and Niall both lay in the bathroom now, but only one of them was still breathing.

"Please don't take my sunshine away..."