Is This Love? (#Wattys2015)

Confessions

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump. 

That's the sound of my heart beating through my chest right now. I feel like I'm on some Law and Order episode. Trapped with all attention on me. Robert's soul searching dark green eyes bore into my very existence while he waited for me to speak. I couldn't find the courage in me to break the silence so I was grateful when he did.

"Jas. You uhm." He started rubbing his neck looking a little sad,"You don't have to tell me." Sighing he whispered,"I'll take you to your parents even if you don't."

I looked up at him suprised, "You'd really do that for me?" I put my hands in my head and shook my head feeling tears threatening to spill,"Why?"

He looked at me with confusion,"Why wha-"

I looked up at him with my tear stained face. I couldn't help the way my voice raise. All of my fustraition and other emotions seemed to be emerging,"Why are you so nice to me? I don't get it."

He got up, his eyes never leaving mine, and sat next to me at the end of the bed. "I would do anything for you. You're my mate, my other half, I live, breath, eat, and sleep so that I can be with you. Without you I am nothing but an empty shell. I was born to love you and you were born to love me." He had so much love and hope in his eyes I couldn't look away if I wanted to.

The only thought going through my mind at the moment was,"Did he just say he loved me?" His hand came up to my face and he wiped away my tears. I quickly stood up, putting some distance between us, I had to tell him why he just couldn't love me. I had to get this unbearable feeling off my chest.

Shaking my head while wiping my eyes I said,"No you can't love me that's not how it works. Girls like me don't get the happy endings."

He stood up in front of me with concern in his eyes,"Why not? You deserve more than just a happy ending Jasmine. And there is nothing in this world that will make me change my mind-"

Stepping back away from him I yelled,"Because he took that away from me!" Lowering my voice I continued,"He took away more than just my sense of security. He took away my innocence. My heart, my ability to trust, love, and my dignity, but that wasn't enough for him. He had to do more than just that. He beat me every night before and after he was done using me like a piece of meat. Then he made me beg him to do things to me things I'll never forget. Things so painful I can't even breath when I think about them. I may have only been there, but it felt like forever."

Looking at me with a broken face he tried stepping towards me but I stepped further back. Putting my hand up I continued,"But that's not the worst part, what made the entire situation even worst was when I found out that I'm. I'm. I'm pregnant." I was crying while hugging myself hoping that I could soon curl up into a little ball and fade away,"I don't know if I can take this pain and humiliation anymore. I don't want to live like this." I looked up at Robert's frozen figure though my teary eyes. "How do I raise a child of evil? How will I wake up every morning with that constant reminder of how weak, useless, and pathetic I am? I've lost everything now but most importantly I've lost you." I whispered," And that's what hurts the most", while looking down at my hands.

When I looked back up at him I was shocked to see he had tears falling from his own face. Without saying a word he moved closer to me and pulled me into the tightest embrace. It was almost like he needed me more than I needed him. After a long spell of silence he finally spoke promising, "You haven't lost me. I'm always here for you no matter what." I pulled back and looked into his vulnerable eyes. They held so much grief and sorrow,"I will NEVER let anyone hurt you ever again. I'm so sorry I couldn't get there sooner. God this is all my fault" I stiffened at his words. How could he think this was his fault? 

Looking up at him I said,"This isn't your fault. You did nothing wrong."

He shook his head,"No. I should have got you sooner. Matter fact I should have never let you out my sight in the first place. Maybe then you-"

"It's not your fault Robert. You did what you could. And plus how would you have know your brother would kidnap me. Please don't beat yourself-"

He froze looking at me with shock,"My brother?"

I didn't notice what I said until he pointed it out. Oh crap! Looking at him nerviously I asked,"Um. Did I say that?" 

He raised his eyebrow in suspicion,"Yes. You said my brother kidnapped you. Did he do this to you?"

I looked down at my hands nervously,"Well uhm, yes and no. He didn't exactly take me, but I can't say anymore or something bad is gonna happen."

His body began to shake while he promised,"I'm gonna kill that bastard. Did he threaten you?"

Still looking at my hands I answered,"Umm. Yes."

He let go of me then headed for the door with his fist balled up. "Don't leave the room. I'll be back-"

No he can't leave me here alone. Not now. "Wait!" I grabbed his arm and hugged him tight. "Please you can get him in the morning just." Sighing I asked,"Just please don't leave me alone right now." He looked at me and seemed like he was having and inner battle. With out speaking he nodded and led us both over to the bed. 

Nodding he kept me close and said,"Okay, but let's get some sleep." 

"Okay." We both laid down on the bed facing each other. We just laid there not speaking, but just looking into each other's eyes. I felt him snake his arm around me to my back and pull me closer. I took in his warmth and immediately relaxed. Letting the calm and safe feelings he gave me pull me into the most comfortable sleep I've had in months.