Violent in Red -- [GirlXGirl, Lesbian]

Chapter 4

I took a shower, trying to remember what I was thinking about before everything suddenly went blank. I felt it was something important, as I watched calligraphy and Celtic knot designs wash from my skin, and down the drain. Physically I felt fine, but the clarity of my mind was only because I had nothing going on in there. No desires, no thoughts, no images, no visuals. I was a visual person, at least I believed I was, so something wasn't right.

Visuals brought to mind a thought, a whisper, a thread. I tried to pull on it, to unravel the mysterious emptiness of my mind, and then it was gone.

I washed my hair. I read the back of the shampoo bottle. I could read. I could remember the words. I named all the bones in the face, and then in the hand, and then in the foot. I listed all the major parts of the brain. Nothing wrong there.

I tried for the life of me to recall what I was trying so hard to remember as I went through that process. A touch stone, that was it. I had a mental touch stone that I wanted to watch change.

Well it changed. I couldn't remember a damn thing about it.

Shit!

My long term memory was fine. I went over conversations I had with Inanna and the blond today. I remembered telling her to take her clothes off, and her doing it. I found that amusing. She was hot, but not hot like Inanna.

Was she a friend of Inanna's? Yes, that was it, they were close, very close. Yes.

She wanted to get pregnant, Inanna had told me...

And then memory began clicking back into place. Her name was Selene. Selene Greer. She was a year younger than me, and she wanted to be pregnant. My touch stone was me setting her up with Bill, as a stud.

I thought about that, and wondered, why Bill? I mean, he was a great guy and even I might have sex with him again some day, but why would I set Selene up with Bill? Did I know Selene well enough to set her up with the only guy in the world who actually cared about me? That was a lot to ask. Good men were rare and Bill was a really good man. Far better than I was to him. I needed to do something about that. Yes, I needed to do something about that soon. Bill didn't deserve to get me when I was coming down so hard from... from what?

I thought hard, under the water of the shower, the steam rising like tendrils around me.

Selene? I was coming down from Selene?

That was it. Yes.

And then the rest crumbled together in a jumble that gave me vertigo. I held on to the sides of the bathroom walls and tried to ease myself to a sitting position on the floor. But I was falling, and then arms were around me, easing me down.

"I have you Toni," Inanna was telling me, and she got me onto the stool and held me steady until the vertigo passed.

"I got it, now," I told her.

"Yeah, what do you have?"

"I remember who Selene really is. She's an elf ya'know, a winter elf."

"That's right."

"I was in love with her," I told Inanna.

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah. She is so fucking hot."

"That's good, what else do you remember doc? Think hard."

"You want her pregnant."

"Right, that's good too. True as well, I do want her pregnant."

"Why?"

"Because I love her."

"I know that, but why pregnant? Aren't rings enough any more?"

"Because she wants it too. She really wants to be a mother, and to raise a child."

"Do you?" I asked.

"No, not me, her."

"I know, but do you want a child?"

She looked like I slapped her, "No, Toni, not me. I wouldn't be a very good mother."

"You are perfect with Minx. Why not a baby?"

"You know why Toni. I have scars. Motherhood is not something I dream about."

"Alright, don't cry. I was just asking."

"Do you want to be pregnant Toni?"

"Me?"

"Yes."

"I did once. When I was with Bill. I wanted his child. But I was fucked up then. Too much going on. I couldn't keep my head together. I really screwed things up with him. Really bad."

"You were going to get pregnant with him?"

Inanna sat down on the floor looking up at me in awe, "With Bill? Dr. Bill?"

"Well, yeah," I agreed. "What's wrong with that?"

She shook her head, "Nothing, it's just hard to imagine that's all, but then not really, ya'know?"

"Selene and you are lovers," I said, making it a statement.

"Yes, Toni, we are."

"You and I are lovers, right?"

"That's right as well," she nodded, "What else?"

"Selene and me, we were lovers and then we weren't, because she left, and now we are again," I said, as the last of the pieces fell together. "And I still love her," I smiled.

Inanna's face lit with a brightness so powerful I had to kiss her.

"I still love her," I repeated, "Man what a fucked up conjuration that was!" I gasped. "How long? How long before I got my memory back?"

"About an hour."

"Holy shit!"

"Yeah, we were starting to worry."

"Where is that pixie right now? I want to fuck the sense out of her and then hold her until dawn," I smiled.

"She's right outside. She'll be the wreck on the floor at the foot of the bed," Inanna smiled getting up with me.

"Perfect, that's just where I want her. Care to join us?"

"Thought that might be a good thing, yes. Can I ask you something though?"

"Sure," I said, looking her in the eyes, her bright beautiful eyes.

"Do you still want Bill to be the father of her child?"

Bill? No, I wanted him to be the father of my child, not Selene's. But did I want a child? No. Not at all. I was just starting my career. But if Selene really wanted to have a baby, she couldn't go very wrong with Bill. The man was smart, sexy, tall, patient...

"Yeah, Bill would be good, if we could get him to do it," I agreed.

"Really?"

"Yeah, besides, I owe him a blow job."