You Didn't Ask (Reader x Nea D. Campbell) {D Gray Man}

chapter 51

present time....

reader pov

yeah, i was conflicted. this affair had been going on for the past three months. during that time, nea hadn't gotten any better. in fact, he was getting worse. hadn't seen him since our anniversary, a few days ago. it wasn't uncommon for me to spend days over at Chaozii's condo, ironically one of the many nea owns. i was wondering what it would have been like if nea had came home while i was at Chaozii's house. how does chaozii feel about me being married? well he didnt take it well. i couldn't hold it from him for too long. the very next time we met up after that night, just a few days later, i told him everything. tears flowed and he was ready to leave, feeling like shit for being a home wreaker, then i told him about how things were with my husband. went from sad to angry. 'what the fuck are you dealing with that for, ian? why would you stay with a man who clearly doesnt want you any more' he yelled. i was at a lost for words. yeah, i still love him. this i know is still true. i was reminded of it when he walked in the door of the house, the first time in the past few weeks. he looked around the living room, spotting me sitting on the sofa, just staring off into space. wondering what i should do. how i should feel being able to lay my eyes on my husband. he joined me on the sofa. it was when i looked into his eyes that the tears started flowing again. in them i saw the man i married once again. his tears clouded his eyes as he pulled me into a fierce embrace. his eyes were true again. the no longer hid something from me. he pulled away. "i know that ive been distant and evasive and you probably are thinking im cheating and ive been an all around terrible husband but....well its time i told you the truth. i....i have cancer, ian," he whimpered. then it all made sense.

"c-c-cancer?" i whimpered right along with him. i felt a swirl of emotions. why is the first ive heard of this? he took my hands in his, staring deeply in my eyes. "i have...prostate cancer. i had kept it from you so long, trying my best to deal with it on my own. i didnt want to tell you because....well it would hang over our marriage. we wouldn't have been able to enjoy the life i had left because of it. i...i wouldn't have been able to see you smile while being with me. i had realized today that i had been making you miserable when all i wanted to do was see you happy," he said, wiping his tears away.

i sighed. it all makes sense now. just knowing that he dealt with such a thing for so long without telling me for my sake, its really something. "nea....i have a confession too," i muttered. he seemed confused by the news but opened his ears to it. "i....ive been having an affair," i admitted. his eyes widened and the tears flowed once again. he.....laughed. the fuck? i was expecting some sobbing followed by yelling and screaming. might have even had to stop him from committing suicide. he was laughing with the biggest of smiles on his face. shit. he went crazy, didnt he? im...im gonna die. i didnt live for very long but at least i get to go saying that i was able to experience love. "just....make my death quick and painless, please," i muttered. he looked so confused. "death? oh god no. im....im soooo happy, ian!" he said. definitely lost it. probably gonna need a straight jacket soon. "i....i had distanced myself, hoping that you would meet someone else, ian. i had hoped that your morals weren't too strong and....well you were still young at heart. i know i must sound crazy for being happy that you cheated on me but...well i was worried that when i go, you would turn yourself off to love and...well you would become like me. a lonely old man at the end of his life. hoping for someone to come in and show you what you been missing," he said, wiping the tears away. i did too. "well....this has been going on for three months now," i muttered. "did you tell him you are married?" he asked. "yeah, didnt take it well. when i told him how you were, he insisted i divorce you," i said. his face went solemn. "shit," he muttered. "to which i told him i couldn't....because i still love you. if you dont want to keep this thing going, then ill be no better off," i said. i knew that it bothered chaozii when i told him that. we still talk but it feels like there is a wall between us. still mess around but the intimacy from before was gone, replaced by chaste kisses before rushing me out the door. i miss it.