Autumn

35: Why goodbyes hurt

Theodore was attached to his phone for the rest of the week. It was already Saturday night and there was school on Monday morning, but there had been so sign of Autumn and her mother since they had left. The only notifications he had managed to get were infuriating game reminders.

He didn't know how he should feel about Autumn's abrupt disappearance. Part of him was angry that she left without an explanation, part of him was sad that he hadn't heard from her. But he was mostly worried, and that hurt the most.

After dinner, Theodore relocated from moping around in his bedroom to moping around in the kitchen where there was an impressive stash of chocolate in the cupboard. Helen was at work, so he was left to sulk in peace and quiet.

But not for long.

A few minutes into eating his third chocolate bar, his phone began buzzing. As soon as his eyes registered her name flashing across the screen, the device was already pressed to his ear.

"Autumn?" He sounded breathless. "Are you okay? Are you home? Can I come over? What happened?"

There were so many words coming out of his mouth that he wasn't even sure if he was making sense. Was he speaking proper English or was it just gibberish?

"Theodore, I'm so sorry."

Out of all the responses he was expecting, it definitely wasn't that. Those four words shattered his heart, so much so that he had to sit down.

"I didn't mean to leave so unexpectedly. I wasn't expecting you to be out that night."

"You had plans to leave while I was asleep?" He couldn't help the way the words came out sour, leaving a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. "When were you planning on telling me?"

"This entire trip wasn't planned. I didn't know we were leaving until half an hour before you saw me."

Theodore was fighting an internal battle, unsure of how to tame his emotions to one coherent feeling. He squeezed his eyes closed and ran a hand down his face. Once his fingers hit his mouth, he left them there. If his lips were sealed shut, perhaps that would control the angry sea of words threatening to erupt from his throat.

"Theodore," Autumn said softly, "are you still there?"

He removed his hand from his mouth, but kept his eyes shut. He let out a long sigh and said, "Yeah."

"I have something else to tell you."

His heart constricted. It was tight and small and painful.

"For the past few weeks, my mum and I...we..." Autumn paused to let out a shaky breath. It felt like Theodore had counted to a million before she continued with, "I'm moving."

And just like that, his heart burst.

"You're--You're what?"

"I didn't want to say anything while we were looking for new places to live, because nothing was finalised. It wasn't certain that we were going to move, just a possibility. Then we found this little flat and..."

"And now you're moving," he said, his tone neutral. He was surprised by how calm he sounded, despite the thunderstorm in his head and the tornado in his chest. His voice came out smooth even though he couldn't stop shaking. Tears filled his eyes and all he had to do was blink to set them free.

"In a couple of weeks. I'll back tomorrow to pack my things and tell the school I'll be leaving." Autumn choked out the words. It sounded like she was afraid that if she didn't speak fast enough, sobs would get caught between her sentences. "This doesn't change anything, Theodore, okay? We're still going to be okay, I promise."

"We're going to be okay," he repeated.

"We're going to be okay," she repeated.

"We're going to be okay," he lied.

"We're going to be okay," she believed.

They said those same five words over and over, trying to reassure themselves that everything would work out. But Theodore knew that wasn't the truth, and Autumn knew she was placing her hope in something almost impossible.

Theodore blinked and set the tears free, a fragment of his broken heart escaping with them.