fashion blogger, book one // phan (EDITING)

Fifty One

trigger warning (CONTAINS SPOILERS!) // homophobia, death threats, violence

I had to take one or two or maybe three deep breaths until I could bring myself to get up from the sofa again.

I knew I'd have to continue the photo shoot. But I couldn't do it with Phil, and definitely not with Adam.

After sighing to myself quietly I decided to leave the dressing room and get back to the set. I wanted to go home and talk things out with Phil. I didn't like fighting with him anyway, of course I didn't, but even less in a situation like this.

I couldn't see Adam anywhere when I reached the set again. There was a concerned-looking Thomas and a confused Steven instead, though.

"Where have you been? And where's Phil?"

"Phil's gone home," I mumbled. Steven furrowed his eyebrows. "What? Why?"

"He... He didn't feel well." I sighed. "Listen, is there any way I can do the photoshoot on my own? Or could we maybe just use one of the shots we took with Adam?"

Thomas frowned. "Dan, I don't know..."

"I know that kind of sucks but..." I shrugged. "I mean, maybe I could think of a different catchphrase or something-"

"We can try taking pictures of just you, I guess," Steven mumbled and then turned his head to look at Thomas, "But I'm not sure if they'll have the same effect on the audience."

"Yeah, I know, I'm aware of that," I said, "I'm... I'm sorry. But please?"

After a short while, Thomas nodded. "There isn't much else we can do, I guess. We don't have any other male models here. So get on the set."

I just nodded instead of answering and placed myself in front of the camera again, and I felt slightly uncomfortable all of a sudden.

We took some more pictures, but I couldn't concentrate because my mind was stuck on Phil and that incredibly unnecessary discussion we'd had. At this point, I was almost certain that it wasn't just jealousy that had made him act so stubbornly. But then again, I couldn't think of another reason, either.

"You're not really into this anymore, are you?"

I shook my head as a reply to Steven's question. "I'm sorry."

Steven sighed while looking at his camera. "I guess we have one or two good shots anyway," he mumbled, sounding sort of disappointed, and I nodded as I left the set. I felt bad.

I walked over to the sofas standing on the side of the set and sat down on one of them. I bit my lower lip in thought. The thought of Phil kept bugging me and eventually, I decided to call him. I wasn't sure if I could go home yet or if Thomas needed me for anything else because otherwise, I would have been on the way already. 

This was the first time I wondered if Phil went back to my apartment or his. If he did, it would've been the first time in days.

However, it didn't feel that unlikely to me. 

I took the phone from my pocket and turned it on. The Apple logo appeared on the screen and I waited. The screen turned on and I saw my lockscreen (a cheesy selfie I had taken with Phil the day before my parents had arrived), but before I could enter the passcode, someone's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Are you gonna have dinner with us, too?"Adam. 

"What dinner?" I furrowed my eyebrows, on the one hand because his question confused me but on the other hand just because of the mere fact this man was talking to me despite everything that had happened just half an hour earlier. I typed in the four numbers that made my phone's passcode.