fashion blogger, book one // phan (EDITING)

Forty Three

Phil and I arrived at my apartment rather late in the evening, so I didn't even bother starting to clean. What I did, though, was film a video.

I sat down on the bench in my dressing room and set up the camera. This was my usual filming space, and I didn't plan on changing that any time soon.

Like writing, filming videos sometimes was a little therapeutic to me. It was easier to get my mind off something if I could just talk about something I feel passionate about. So, after we'd come back home and I really felt the need to just calm down, I had told Phil that I wanted to film something.

I got all the clothes I wanted to talk about lying next to me. It had been weeks since I had promised my blog's readers to film a New York shopping haul. Obviously, I'd been a little too busy to do so lately, so I thought now would be a good time.

Though I have to admit that I felt a bit weird about filming YouTube videos now. With Phil's father in the back of my mind, showing my face on the internet (a place where I could be found simply by searching for "Dan Howell" on Google) made me feel slightly uncomfortable and also a bit... frightened, I'd almost say?

"Hello internet," I said, a smile plastered on my face. "So, today I finally got the long awaited New York haul for you, and it'll probably take ages, so get some tea, make yourself comfortable and enjoy the ride..."

I was right, I sat there for way too long waffling over my new clothes. But with some editing I would probably be able to reduce it to half the length. Maybe.

When I was done and said my goodbyes to the camera I stayed on the bench for a bit.

With all the things going on lately it was a bit difficult and maybe even exhausting to slip into my cheerful and funny blogger personality. It wasn't like I wasn't being myself, because I definitely was, but I needed to act as if everything was fine, and that was a bit difficult for me right now. But I was okay with it.

I liked filming videos. I loved talking about fashion and that was the perfect way to share this need with the world, with people who had the same interests. I enjoyed it, otherwise I wouldn't do it. It was also a good distraction, and it felt good to do something that felt so familiar.

I had just stood up to take the camera when Phil knocked the door. "Yeah?" I mumbled, and he walked in.

"Hey, princess," he said and I rolled my eyes while he smiled brightly, "I thought you might want some tea."

"You made tea?" I asked, though my question was obviously already answered when I saw the two mugs in his hands. Phil simply nodded and handed one of them to me.

"You're literally an angel," I mumbled, and I heard Phil chuckle at my words.

"Have you finished filming the video?" Phil asked and wrapped his arms around me from behind after placing his mug on the bench.

"Yeah, just a few seconds ago," I muttered and leant a little further into his embrace.

"Great," he said and placed a single kiss on my neck before letting go of me to sit down. I smiled and sat down next to him, pulling my knees up to my chest right after.

I pulled my sleeves down to my fingers so my hands were barely visible anymore. I held the mug with both of my hands and took a sip while looking at Phil.

"I love your eyes," he then said all of a sudden, and I couldn't help but giggle.

"That's incredibly random, Phil."