Alam kong wala na akong babalikan pa sa bahay na ito. Alam kong wala na ang magina ko pero mas pinili ko pa din ang umuwi at palipasin ang weekend dito.
Pagbukas ko pa lang ng gate, katahimikan na ang sumalubong sa akin. I can't help my tears to fall. Nakakabakla.
As I open the door I said
"I'm home."
I closed my eyes and dream of how my wife comes near me. Gave me my slippers and carry my things. I remember that squinky voice calling me Papa. I remember how they smile at me and look into me with lov
And yes, reality hits me hard. Really Hard, because no one came to hug me. No one gave me my slippers. No once came to carry my things. Now, I have no one to kiss, hug and carry on my arms. Walang makulit na batang sumalubong sa akin. Actually, the house was dark. So dark that light literally seemed to walk out.
I checked the kitchen, things are neatly piled on their proper places. I saw the fridge, Fere made some reminders.
I went to our room. Nothing was changed but why it feels so different and empty. Same room, same things, same places yet, it feels so different now. I decided to check Yugi's room. This kid is really neat and organized. If I wouldn't know, I'll think he's really mine. As I check everything I gave him is still here. Except for one, and I saw a letter in replace of the lost toy.
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He even erased Papa and Love. Hindi ko na kinaya. I cried. I know this would be very unfair to my son but I love Fere and her son. I love them so much it kills me thinking they already left. Thinking the possibility of them replacing me. I can't. I just can't.
***Patricia Calling***
Patchie: Nasaan ka? Hinihintay ka ni Lola. Yuseff: Home. sobs. Patchie: Umiiyak ka ba? Yuseff: Sobs harder. Patchie: Hoi! Umiiyak ka ba? Yuseff: Sobs. sobs. sobs. Patchie: Aba umiiyak ka nga! Ui. Yuseff: --- Patchie: Haiii. Kuya, come home. I'll wait for you.
In my state I know I can't drive. Para akong nalasing sa sobrang lungkot. Why do I have to go through this pain? Hindi ba pwedeng masaya na lang kami ng Fere? Kailangan ko bang isipin ang ibang tao??
I want to get angry to Kristina. She ruined everything we had tapos babalik sya at sinira nyang muli ang mayroon ako. I am actually very willing to be used by Fere in any means wag lang syang mawala sa akin. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to leave everything and just have my eternal rest.
Just about I am to put my phone on the nightstand, I saw papers over it. My eyes widened. Gawd! Fere saw the annulment papers and she signed it. Oh Lord!
For the second time, there's this sheet of paper that can kill my soul. I cried. I have no more strength for tomorrow. I have no one. I walked to the bar counter and drink any alcohol available there. I started drinking the old scotch like a viking very thirsty.
