For better or for worse (Changed Man sequel)

10: Love & War (1)

"I do. I promise to love you for better or for worst, to always hold you down...to always love you for rich or poor. I promise to never neglect you. Always hold your heart and never break it. I love you."- London on her wedding night

*London

Staring at the pair of scissors that sat on Seiko's bathroom counter I thought of what I could do with them. Quickly snatching them off the counter I grabbed a tight grip of my long black hair and cut off a huge chunk. Looking at what I did with big eyes I looked at the lost of hair in my hand.

"London you been in there for a whole, are you ok honey?" Seiko knocked on the door. Feeling a lost for words I couldn't respond.

"London?" She repeated opening the door letting out an unpleasant noise and still staring at the lock of my now cut hair, I tossed it on the ground and cut the other side.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Seiko yelled snatching the scissors out my hand.

Finally telling the tears go for the first time I bowled.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you woman. This man got you cutting your damn hair off!" She ranted holding me. Once I left the house I couldn't really stomach going out so instead Seiko and I went back to her house. I felt beyond bad. I went too far. I know I went too far. Chris is a good man...and I went to far. I felt bad...beyond low. I've said some hurtful things to him that I can't take back. I know the hurt he felt tonight and he shouldn't have to deal with it alone...because I didn't.

"London I need you to calm down, you're shaking!" Seiko said pulling my body away from her.

I was having a panic attack.

Tears blurred my vision and loud sobs was all that escaped my mouth. I broke down. Completely.

I was upset with myself for several reasons.

Now was not the time to having a falling out with the man that I love. I love Chris, I really do. I've always have. I wouldn't have married him...I wouldn't have carried his child for 9 months and have her as a constant reminder if I didn't love him. No love was perfect, I knew that but I feel like god put people in your life for a reason; and I believe Chris was in my life for a reason. It didn't matter what people thought because he is MINE. I messed up tonight though...I could have done things differently and instead I set into my petty ways and poured lemon juice on razor blade cuts.

London!" Seiko shook me

"I need you to calm down." She repeated holding me tight as she walked me to her guest bedroom which she let me stay in for tonight.

Sitting me on the edge of the bed I sobbed louder. I was hurting. I felt it enough for the both of us. For Chris and I

As I sobbed Seiko undressed me leaving me in nothing but a big over sized T.

"Get some rest, okay." She stated more than asked.

Nodding my head silently crying I crawled towards the top of the bed before I stopped "I want to call Chris." I bit my bottom lip

She shook her head from left to right.

But I needed to talk to him.

"No get some rest." She said before cutting the lights and closing the door behind her.

******

Feeling the bed shift I opened my eyes only to see darkness.

Almost jumping out my skin from a soft touch of someone I calmed down remember that I have to keep calm for the sake of me not having another panic attack. "Shh it's me." He said huskily