REBEL HEART (GxG)

54

LEXI

Every fiber in my body regretted leaving Gab because being away from her is the last thing I would want, but I had no choice, I had to. She was sleeping peacefully in her room and how I wanted to curl beside her and fall asleep in her arms. I guess her body shut down because of too much stress and exhaustion. There were so many things going through her poor mind and she can't even decide which to sort out first. But the haunting question is, is she even willing to?

Gab and I are similarly stuck in this regretful situation but unlike me, Gab refuses to accept the fact. I'm not rushing her though because I know this is a life changing revelation. You can't expect anyone to fully accept this overnight and say, yeah I'm good or I'm fine, it's cool. No, time plays a vital part in healing, in acceptance and I wouldn't want to rush her. Gab is badly wounded, she felt betrayed and she feels like she's a stranger to her own self now. I guess she's hurting so much over the things that could have been, but right now it's really pointless because it's in the past. It's something we can't do anything about. But Gab is the type of person that resorts to running away whenever her problems are right in front of her, preparing to smother her. Her best option was always to run and escape. Sadly, right now I guess that's just what she's doing.

It's been 2 weeks since we found out that we're Sullivan's children; that we're sisters. Mr. Ervy or shall I say dad? It's still not sinking in my head though. Mr. Ervy told me to take some time off from work, reel things up and maybe find a way to avoid Gab. Few days after that night in Gab's house, Mr. Ervy asked me to come over to talk. He asked me how I was, if I was doing fine and he also asked me about my relationship with Gab. I replayed the scenes in my head.

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"I know it must have been very hard for you and I'm so sorry that you ended up in this predicament. I'm just worried about Gab because she is not taking this.."

He trailed off as he tried to search for words that would describe Gab.

"Gab is devastated Lexi"

I let him continue as I watch his eyes grew worried. His eyes were like Gab, but Gab's green were of a darker shade than his. It's weird how I find myself asking if he was really my father, because obviously I couldn't find any trace that I am his child.

"But she needs to go through this for her to accept that what you had is over. You can never go back to how you used to be"

That gnawing pain in my stomach has reached its way through my heart, ripping it open, tearing everything apart and I was so helpless. I sat there almost numb looking into my supposed father's eyes.

"I know"

"Lexi, what I'd be asking from you might be too much but it is for the better"

"What do you mean?"

"I would love to see you guys deeply bonded because you're my children. Any father would want to see her kids get along, but right now I think its best that you avoid Gab. Make her believe that you don't feel anything other than sisterly love for her. It would be best not to return her affection towards you. It would hurt her for sure but I know she'll understand one day"

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I went out from his study, a part of me wounded and bleeding. Mr. Ervy has asked me so much and I don't know if I'll be able to do it because partly, I hate avoiding her nor pushing her away. I tried to but I always lose the battle when it comes to Gab.

When I decided to put my guards down and let Gab inside my heart, inside my life, I swore that there will never be a day that I'll make her feel unloved. Loving her changed me entirely, but I loved this version of me, this is my happiest. My happiest "me" was when I am with her and the thought of finally giving her up just breaks my heart. I fear that I would return to the cold and stiff version of myself, the one that lacks life in it. Gab's warm personality melted my icy exterior and without her, I am too scared to go back to what I was before meeting her.