The Alpha And The Omega 0

(A/N)

(A/N)

Oh dear.

Hi.

Before I do this, let me start with; y'all have no idea how stressful this is to write.

I've said;
-Fuck me
-I don't want to do this
-HOW DO I EVEN--
-Long list of Swedish vulgarity (e.g. Jävel, mig knulla, ETC)

At LEAST six times each.

I'm subconsciously stalling, I think.

As an author, I feel as though I should be pretty meticulous/articulate with my words, but as of this moment I don't think that I am.

Today is September 17th (Scott's birthday ayyyy) Which is about a year and a half after the beginning of TAATO.

A year and a half, people. Have mercy.

Y'all always ask me how I've been able to do a chapter a day (sometimes more/seldom less) And honest to God, I have NO IDEA xD

The thing is; Especially in the first two books; I didn't really think about it. I always had chapters ready that I just couldn't WAIT to publish.

ALWAYS.

And I'd always make sure they were over 1000 words. The second book was about 1200 words per chapter, and the third about 1400. And... The fourth was usually around 1600-1800. Which, as a side note, IS A LOT.

Sometimes, on weekends, I'd sit down and write for like six whole hours without missing a beat.

I'd have like seven chapters in advance prepared for y'all.

Then around the fourth and this current book, I'm coming to find that inspiration is kind of lacking. Like... Maybe I've written EVERYTHING that could possibly happen xD

-obviously not everything, but realistically speaking, I've covered lots of ground here-

I hate to say that I'm 'giving up' (which is untrue) but I just feel like... If I'm pulling teeth to find something to write about, it's probably not very good. Y'know?

Like if it pains me to write it, then I don't want to subject y'all to reading it.

And that's how I feel about this book. Which is a shame, because I had lots of inspiration for it, and I was way TOO excited.

But as it turns out; I love the characters that they'd all turned into. And it's really hard to try to put myself back into their original characters, as far as dialogue and behavior.

Like I really DON'T know how to write Kevin without Todrick anymore. Or Alex for that matter.

And I don't know how to make scomiche platonic (bless?)

And I don't remember how Kirstie was before she was with Avi. (BC they were together for AGES let's be real xD)

I don't know if that makes me a bad author, or if I just don't have enough time to seriously sit myself down to refocus back into the 'old' characters.

MY POINT IS; I'd been kind of struggling with this ever since the middle of the fourth book.

And I guess I thought ending TAATO4 and starting up with TAATO0 would fix my lack of inspiration.

But it only got more difficult, as I explained a second ago.

So when I hit this TAATO4 one shot idea, I think I realized that it was the solution here.

This way I have time to come up with solid, quality chapters. And don't have to over stress about getting chapters out every single day.

Which I'd just like to re-emphasize that I haven't ALWAYS been stressed about it. Like I haven't been 'suffering' for very long, I swear xD

I don't know. I don't know if I explained that well, or if I'm just fumbling around trying to make excuses... I don't know.

Let me also say; I feel so lame for doing this to you guys. I couldn't even write this yesterday, I had to wait until an hour before I was gonna post  (hi from past Kelsey)

And one more; I'm definitely down to do the TAATO one shot thing, because so many of you liked that, and I'm into it too.

I'm not quitting writing as a whole, just... This book, specifically.

I truly don't know how to do this. But if I left any loose ends, feel free to ask. Maybe answering your questions will be easier than me trying to explain them all beforehand.

And most importantly; I'm so so sorry for doing this. Life's just a bit too much sometimes, y'know?

And it's not just like... A laziness thing, promise. But (in case you're curious) I usually put in about two hours per chapter, not including the ten/twenty minutes I take to edit the chapter the night before I post it.

And that was FINE, for a little while.

But then 'life' started closing in a little, and things got a little harder, and I just haven't gotten myself organized enough to manage my time, I guess.

Lots of life stuff that I'm not gonna mention, just makes it all just THAT much harder. Which I'm sure you're all aware of.

We've all got shit to deal with.

I love you all so so so much --why am I crying-- FUCK I've gotta be somewhere in like ten minutes have mercy

Someone's gonna say hi to me and I'll just burst into tears -- (could be hilarious I'll get back to you)

And I'll let you know when I start the one shot thing. Probably like... Tomorrow or something so I don't feel so bad about cheating you guys on chapters.

And probably at our scheduled meeting time ;) Our little family reunion, if you will.

-Mama Alpha-

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