Basically, Me. [Mid 2016 - Early 2017]

Crying.

In case you couldn't pick it up from the last chapter,

My mom's mom, my grandma, died today.

Yeah.

My mom and her family are from Singapore, which is below China, near Malaysia.

My mom got the news sometime after school today.

And when she told my sister and I

she was crying

uncontrollably

and I can't stand to see my mom like that

and I loved my grandma

we called her Ah Ma.

God, she couldn't even speak English

but she still loved me

and I still loved her

.

and I think

that this was really the breaking point for me

I've been holding in a lot of stuff recently

and on this note I think I kinda broke

.

My mom and dad have to leave to go to Singapore for the funeral.

I can't come.

Singapore is 2 days on an airplane away.

they said that they're probably going to leave on Sunday.

and it's Friday night,

and they're going to stay in Singapore for a week,

meaning

I'm probably going to stay at a friend's house.

-

don't be fooled by this personality.

I do cover up a lot of things.

that I think and feel.

and just keep it all to myself.

that's the best way, right?

.

and God

my grandma didn't believe in Christianity,

so

...

that was kinda it, I guess.

.

there's just been a lot going on lately.

with this, and other losses this past year

and myself

what I think about myself

and right now I'm really really trying trying trying not to get tears on my freaking phone

and I'm really really trying trying trying to be quiet so my family doesn't walk in on me like this

.

and also I'm crying because I'm listening to Scars To Your Beautiful by Alessia Cara on repeat and that song is making me have feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels.

•

tomorrow I'm supposed to make up choreography with my best friends for a project. they always make me laugh so :)

and also from 9-12 I'm volunteering at PetFest and cute dogs are gonna cheer me the heck up

so don't you worry about me. I'll be fine in the end.

just okay.