Chris:
I slammed my hand on the alarm clock beside my bed. I am so damn tired. I thought I was going to have a break this weekend from Jordan but I didn’t. I was in the hospital all daggon weekend because you damn mother passed out. I let out a loud groan and kicked the cover off of me. Now it’s Monday, the start of the second week of the program, and I had to go. This probation shit is absolutely killing me man. I rolled out of the bed and wiped my eyes.
I need some pussy. I need it. I need to feel like… me again. These past couple days I’ve been feeling like a whole different person. Like… somebody else. I was becoming more sensitive. I’ve been crying. I’ve been kirking out. I haven’t kirked out since I was 17. Since I was 17…17…17. I looked at my mirror that was attached to the wall. Not only was I looking at myself, but I was looking inside of me. Then it was weird. It felt like I was looking at the boy I was before I was 17. Weak. I was weak. I think it was me being weak. Ever since I was 17, I stopped being weak.
Believe it or not, I used to be different. I hated the old me. I was sensitive and sweet. I never treated a girl wrong. I never used a girl only for sexual purposes. I thought back to my last real girlfriend I had. Nicole Sanders. I was… well 15 when I met her… 17 when we broke up. There goes that stupid ass age again. 17. She broke my heart. Ever since then, I haven’t dated any girl. I kept them around just to fuck them or get them to suck my dick. I didn’t want any girls in that kind of way. I haven’t felt for any girls after what happened. Even now, I can have any bitch I want in Los Angeles and I don’t want any.
I walked into the bathroom and got ready to go to the rec.
When I got to the rec, Jordan was already there. He was sitting on the bleachers in the gym, watching the rest of the “older and little brothers” play soccer. As I walked across the gym, one of the “older brothers” that had red hair was watching me. Oh fuck no I don’t trust that nigga staring at me. He already looks gay with that bright ass hair on his head. I turned my attention away from yo when I reached Jordan. “Wassup man?” I asked him, getting his attention. He shrugged. Man, this is the most serious kid I’ve ever met.
“You hella quiet, must be something wrong,” I added. He just looked at me. Or at least I thought he was looking at me. I noticed that he was looking right past me. I turned to see the nigga with red hair standing behind me. I quickly turned around and put my hands behind me, covering my asshole.
“What’s good G?” I asked him suspiciously. “C Sizzle in the dizzle,” he laughed. Then I immediately let my guard down. Only my close friends from a long time ago know about my old nickname being C Sizzle. “Who you?” I asked him, still with a straight face. “Come on man, I was your closest friend!” he exclaimed, kicking the soccer ball around with his foot. When I looked down to see his footwork, I immediately remembered. “Kid?” I asked.
“Well they call me Kid Red now man,” he answered, pointing to the obvious reason why they added the Red to his name. “Ah man, it’s been awhile,” I said, dapping him up. “Yeah man, you know after… you know… you became pretty distant from the crew.”
17. There goes that age again. 17. After everything that happened when I was 17, I moved away from Virginia to Los Angeles with my aunt. I didn’t talk to anybody else that I left behind in Virginia. I didn’t want the memories to stick.
