Dying Flame (Editing)

12. Emotions

I woke up, full of emotions. I felt sad, lonely, and mostly anger. I felt angry that Matthew left me, to go to his girlfriend. It made me feel less special. I didn't know falling in love was like this. I mean it was like it, but mine is stronger. Like a connection you can't break, no matter what. Maybe Matthew was trying to resist it, but that would mean he doesn't like me. It pains my heart every time I hear he doesn't like me, even if it is from myself. I sighed and sat up. What day is it again? Oh yeah, Friday. Only the last day of school, I can do it. I changed into sweat pants and a white t-shirt. I didn't even brush my hair. I opened my door, to the sound of silence. I sighed and grabbed my backpack and left.

-School-

As I walked closer and closer to the gate, I notice Matthew. He was staring at me, slightly smiling. He noticed I was looking and waved. My heart skipped a beat. I smiled and waved too, but stopped by Abby getting Matthew's attention. My heart stopped, knowing it was something bad. I stood there, not knowing what to do. I noticed Matthew was now looking at me with angry and disappointed face. My heart dropped to my stomach. What did I do? Why is he mad? Matthew was walking towards me and I backed up. I turned and ran back to the house. In five minutes, I was back. I looked behind me and noticed he stopped following me. I pulled out the key and stared at it. His face was sticking onto my brain like gum. He was disappointed and angry at me. I closed my eyes and shook my head, but it didn't help. It only mad me feel worse. I opened my eyes and opened the door. I walked in and closed the door, locking it. I walked slowly towards the kitchen. I opened the drawer and pulled out a knife. I stared at the knife intently, gathering all my courage and desire to die. I pushed the knife on my skin, cutting some. I slid it on my skin and made cuts on my wrist. For some reason it felt good. It felt like relief. I stared at the blood dripping down. I started cutting myself, until I felt fatigued. I tried to walk out the kitchen, but I dropped to the ground, gladly accepting the darkness to come in.

-Later-

My eyes fluttered open. I sat up, confused. That's when memories filled my mind. I looked around and saw blood on the floor and dried blood on my arms. I need to clean this before he gets here. I looked at the clock and noticed it was 1 more hour left till he's here. I sighed and went upstairs to clean my cuts and put on a sweatshirt.

-1 Hour Later-

I looked around. Everything was cleaned, like nothing ever happened. I sighed in relief and started walking to my room, but the front door swung open. My heart turned as if on instinct and saw an angry Matthew. He walked up to me and pointed his finger on my forehead.

"Don't be mean to Abby!!" He snarled. The pain dull in my heart started hurting.

"I didn't do anything!" I yelled back, feeling angry.

"Then why did she tell me, you were bullying her, don't act all innocent!" He barked at me. He doesn't believe me, huh.

"Fine bye! Don't bother talking me, unless for dinner, bye." I grumbled. I stomped up the stairs and into my room. I slammed my door shut and fell down to my bed, covering myself with a lot of covers. I stared at my hands. Tears in my eyes. I hate arguing with him. I always break down. I'm tired of it. My eyes traveled downwards towards my arm. I slowly pulled down my sleeve and saw cuts. I got out of the covers and saw scissors on my bed stand. I grabbed it and made a few more cuts. 'Did you miss me?' I ignored, bothered by how much pain I feel. I heard a knock on my door. All of a sudden pain turned into anger. I pulled down my sleeves and swung open the door. I saw Matthew.

"Why have you been ignoring me?!?!?" I yelled at him.

He flinched.

"What?!?! Am I not needed anymore!!?!? Do you still care?!?!" I continued, my eyes filling with tears.

"Ash-" He tried to speak.

"Don't say my name!!" I walked over to him.

"Come on! Why do yo-" He smashed his lips on mine. My eyes went wide, but quickly closed. I put my arms around him. The kiss went deeper, but Matthew stopped it.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you. After the fight I called Abby and heard another boy with her. She was cheating on me. And she was 'doing it' with another boy. After minutes of trying to figure out my feelings, I came to a conclusion that maybe she wasn't the one. Maybe you were the one." My went moist and I hugged him. He hugged back, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. I'm sorry for yelling at you." I stared at him. I leaned in and we both kissed. Sparks went flying. I felt like I melted into a puddle. Sadly Matthew stopped.

"We have to stop, or else I can't stop myself." I nodded, knowing what he means. I smiled softly and dug my head into his chest.

"I love you, Matthew."

"I love you, too, Asha." I pulled myself away. I had to tell him. It is better now than later.

"But I have to tell you something." I stared at my arms. I pulled the sleeves up. I looked up and saw Matthew, looking guilty with tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, I did this to you, didn't I?" He looked really guilty, "I'm so dumb." He stared at me and pulled me into his chest, "I promise, I promise to protect you. I'll try my best not to hurt you. I swear."

Tears filled my eyes and I hugged him back. I knew he meant it. I knew he was a douche for a while, but I can never be mad at him. Today, was the saddest and happiest day of my life. I pushed away and put my lips on his. I can't get enough. It was addicting. Matthew, once again, pulled away.

"Your happy?"

"Yeah, I finally got the boy of my dreams, didn't you know?" We stared at each-other. After a few seconds we bursted out laughing. Finally, it was time, for the happy ending, but oh how I was wrong....