What She Couldn't Say | ✓

09

Status: Draft

February 17th, 2016 11:34 pm

To: Liam

From: Abigail

Two nights ago you came over for dinner.

You randomly showed up at my doorstep at seven, asking if you could come in.

My mother watched as you sat on the couch and she made her way to the living room to ask you to stay for supper.

You said yes.

I knew you would.

But I secretly hoped you wouldn't.

You sat on my couch, playing with your fingers and aimlessly trying to start a conversation.

You asked how school was going, if I'd finished the history assignment we got that day.

Pointless shit like that.

Anything to get me to speak to you.

I should be mad. I should have told you to leave when I saw you standing on the porch. I should have never let you walk in my house.

And I definitely shouldn't have brought up Jasmine.

But me being the idiot, I sadly did.

You tensed when I said her name.

And you didn't reply for a few minutes as if to be thinking about what you wanted to say.

Then you spoke, and my whole world stopped.

"She keeps calling, and trying to talk to me. She even showed up at my house earlier." You'd said.

I just nodded, unsure of what you wanted me to say.

Did you want me to say you'd be better off without her? That I missed you, and still loved you?

I can't do that Liam.

It wouldn't be right to do that to myself.

Especially when I'm working so hard to get over you.

You asked me if I was seeing anyone, or possibly had someone in mind.

I'd never seen your eyes so filled with hope.

I wanted to lie to you. I wanted to tell you I'd met this great guy.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I told you I didn't have time for dating or being involved with anyone. That it's the second semester of my senior year, and I needed to focus on my grades.

You asked me if I was excited to be studying at Rochester.

I faked a smile and nodded my head to the best of my ability because in all honesty, I wasn't that ready for it.

You would be there. Majoring in almost the same exact thing as me.

I couldn't get away.

Behind every corner was you, you. YOU.

You filled my thoughts.

The way your mouth turns up a little more on the left when you smile.

The way you walk with your hands in your pockets.

The way your eyes light up when a James Taylor song comes on.

The tattoo you have on your shoulder. The one that reads "dans la force et la dignité" which means "in strength and dignity" in French.

We have the same tattoo.

Do you remember when we got those?

You came over to my house one Saturday during junior year and told me you wanted me to come with you so you could get a tattoo on your left shoulder.

I wasn't sure why you wanted one, or what you wanted it to be of.

But when we walked in that tattoo parlor, and you sat down on the seat, you looked at me.

Do you remember what you said?

You said "Abby! You've gotta get this tattoo with me. We can get matching ones."

I shook my head and laughed. I told you there was no way I was going to get a tattoo. Much less one that matched yours.

Needless to say, about twenty minutes later my mother walked in that shop, signed a paper, and we both walked out with "Strength and Dignity" on our shoulders.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see that and wonder if you ever regret getting it.

Do you?

Two nights ago at dinner, you told my mother you couldn't wait for college. And that you'd make sure no one would hurt me. That you'd protect me.

But the truth is Liam, no one else has to hurt me. You already did it for them.

You didn't protect me when you wanted to be with Jasmine.

You didn't protect me when you watched me sit alone at lunch and avoid all of the eyes because I was no longer with the school's 'it' boy.

You didn't protect me when people would whisper mean things as I walked down the hall.

"Look at that freak. No wonder Liam dumped her. Jasmine is so much hotter than she is."

"I bet he fucked her and dumped her. What a slut."

"I wonder if she'd sleep with me?"

"She probably fucked the whole football team. Whore."

You didn't protect me Liam.

Why would you now?

Before you left my house, you stood in my doorway, smiling down at me.

You told me you'd talk to me at school, and that if it wasn't a problem, you'd sit with me at lunch.

I shrugged and said we'd see.

But what really got to me was the fact that you pulled me in for a hug and placed a kiss on my forehead like it was no big deal.

NEWS FLASH LIAM. It was a huge fucking deal.

Why did you do it?

Do you enjoy making me life harder?

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Authors Note:

So I've been absent for a bit, but I'm back on track and writing more than ever!

xx, Bree.