Lifeless (lashton: completed)

chapter two.

TW/ SELF HARM, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE.
July 16th, 2014
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Ashton decided he was tired of starving. He was tired of having to eat his friends' bland pretzels at lunch and call that his only meal. He threw on a long sleeve shirt and nice dress pants. He was going to find himself a job.
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As the final mist of cologne settled in his hair, he looked at himself in the mirror. "Ugly. Disgusting." he whispered, and looked at the dried blood stained on the sink. He held the blade to his wrist and took a deep breath. He had to get his fix, he had to feel the high. He swiftly added two fresh cuts and saw the blood rise to the surface. He was satisfied with himself, and hid his friend for later. As blood dripped onto the carpet, he ran out the door in hopes to catch the next bus to the city. He was going to the job centre. This was the last day he would go hungry.
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Luke had his good days and bad days (mostly bad) but no one expected Luke to wake up screaming. Liz dreaded today, she dreaded it just for this reason. She frantically ran into his room and winced at the sharp agonizing cries echoed throughout the house. "WHY CAN'T I BE DEAD. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE, I HATE TODAY. I WISH HE WOULDV'E KILLED ME. I WISH I WAS SIX FEET UNDER IN THE GROUND. I HATE MYSELF. I H-HATE LIVING." Luke's screams soon turned into sobs, he bit his lip in anger so hard blood dripped down his chin.
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"Lukey, baby boy mummas right here... shhh..." she rubbed his hand even though he could no longer feel it. He cried until he had no tears left, then he drifted off to sleep once again. She hated seeing her son suffer. But she couldn't help him take his own life.
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"Happy Birthday Luke!" Calum smiles wide and tied balloons to his bedpost. He let out a raspy 'thanks' and looked out the window once again. His eyes were no longer a beautiful blue, they were a broken grey. The shade of grey that no one uses in a crayon box since it's so dreary and depressing. The kind of grey that screams "help me" but at the same time holds so much fear and anxiety. He has deep bags underneath his eyes even though all he does is sleep all day. Luke forgets what happiness felt like, and he doesn't care to remember either.
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The day dragged on, Luke knowing very well what time the accident happened. His eyes never left the clock. As an attempt to distract him, Calum carried him into the living room and carefully placed him on the couch. That was the only time Luke felt somewhat normal. He hated being in the chair, it made him feel small. Cal flipped through the channels sitting next to Luke, thinking nothing of it. They watched the news together. It was the usual headlines; "Four shot in a drive by" "Fire kills family" "Football players are giving back to the community" but one headline struck Luke harder than a blow to the head. "Today a year ago, Local boy paralyzed after eighteen wheeler disaster." within seconds of Luke reading those eleven words, he felt sick. All he remembers is Calum shutting the TV off as soon as he saw the picture of the accident. Luke lost sight, and his lunch.