LETTING GO

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I looked at him

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I looked at him. I looked at Jota. He looked so haggard and old. His eyes has dark circles around it and they had sunken too. The once-boyish features are harsh and tired-looking, his face is gaunt and his skin sags a little. His eyes, which were often complimented upon, look tired and closed. He basically look haggard and not just plain but despite all these, he still looked handsome.

He looked at me. I saw pain in his eyes. Did I cause them? He looked torn and beaten. Did I break him? But no, he has Keren. He loved her. Guilt must have eaten him. Guilt for not being true to me. Guilt for making me love him. Guilt for not returning the love. Bagay niya. Niloko niya ako.

"What do you mean he is not your son?"

"DNA tests."

"tests?"

"Yes, tests. We had 4 DNA tests and every test came out negative."

"Who is his father?"

"I don't know. I don't care. Hell, I never cared."

"But Karen was so sure...she was crying...she told you, you loved her."

"She just wanted my money."

"How sure are you?"

"When she came I went to Benja and Steve. I asked them because I do not remember her...I can not remember her."

"They told me about her. About how we met. They told me we dated. I was young, I was a raging hormone. We might have slept before but they said I never fell in love with anyone until..."

He paused. He stop before saying what? That he fell for another girl?

"At Mommy's house, I went tomy room. I searched for her. Anything that would make me believe what she was saying. I found my old laptop. In there all I found are your pictures. Your pictures when you were in middle school. Pictures of you modelling. I also found something that I wrote there. It was all about you. I wrote those before I met Karen. I wrote those even before we were introduced."

He stood up and looked out.

"I asked them. I asked Benja and Steve. They told me that you were actually my crush." He laughed bitterly

"Steve was with me when I saw you in New York, he said I was like a teenager who saw his crush. He said I was jumping and hugging all the guys in my team. ..."

He stopped because someone came in. Nope, 3 men came in. My brother, Steve and Benja.

We looked at them. They looked at us. Steve spoke first

"Mukhang di pa tapos. Labas muna kami?"

It was a question not a statement

"I don't think masosolve nila ito na sila lang, guys."

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