Kagehina - What love's suppose to feel like

Chapter eighteen (angst) - Love hurts

"They?"

"People, they don't mean well. I did nothing wrong and yet they intimidate me so much.." Kenmas eyes had turned bloodshot from the sudden outburst, he now stood in the corner of the room glaring at poor Yachi.

"Kenma listen, I know you don't want to hear this but I totally understand-"

"You don't understand, anything!"

"Kenma, please.. Sit down" Yachi kept her calm and after a while, Kenma did sit down beside her again.

"I know you'll hate me for this, and I don' blame you. But I use to be so shy" Yachi looked Kenma deep in the eyes, proving her point. "I always thought I had done something wrong, I always had that feeling that people didn't want me around and I always embarrassed myself"

"So..?" Kenma looked away.

"I felt like I wasn't important. Even though no one had touched me or spoken a word about me I still could always feel them staring at me. That was until a certain person came around" Yachi made Kenma look at her again, and this time he didn't react to her touching him.

"Who?" Kenma said hopefully.

"You know Shimizu, the tall girl who was with me in here?" Yachi looked dreamingly at Kiyoko who was still in sight thanks to a window in the emergency room. She leaned against the opposite wall from them and texted someone on her phone.

"Her?" Kenma questioned.

"Yep, she paid attention to me and she listened to me like I felt like no one else would at the time. She became my best friend and soon my girlfriend. She could live with my crazy and she took the time to hear me out, she has taught me so much." Yachi looked at Kenma again, this time with a genuine smile across her lips and a sparkle in her eyes.

"I have someone like that too.." Kenma started, looking down on the floor again.

"Yeah?" Yachi swung her legs under the bunk.

"Or well, I like him but he likes someone else" The sorrow in Kenma's voice was back and Yachi could tell.

"Is it someone I know?"

"It's Hinata, okay?! And he likes Kageyama and they make out and shit and there's nothing I can do about it!" Kenma kicked the table beside him and his grape juice package fell over but didn't spill anything.

"That's tough" Yachi sighed "Do you want me to call him here?"

"No?"

"I think you two have to talk this out" Yachi said and disappeared out the door before Kenma could further object.

"What? No!"

He saw her outside the window exchanging a few words with Kiyoko before they both disappeared out of sight.

'Great, now I have to see that jerk again. I don't even want to look at him. I can't take it. I'm such a wuss for having a fucking anxiety attack because of some random boy I like! I'm such a pain.. I'm such-'

"Hey" Kenma heard the door opening and looked up. The stunning red hair and the sunshine smile lit up the entire room. It was like he saw it for the first time every time, it was so beautiful...

"What are you doing here?" Kenma mumbled and turned away.

"Yachi told me you weren't feeling well and that you wanted to talk to me" Hinata moved closer.

"I have nothing to say to you" Kenmas voice began to shake, he couldn't cry in front of Hinata.. He wouldn't let himself!

"Are you mad at me?" Hinata asked, slightly confused by his friends' response.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's me" Kenma heard himself crying, he heard himself sobbing and his hands had whitened from clenching this fists too hard.

"What is going on?" Hinata sounded concerned, he sat beside Kenma and grabbed his shoulders.

"I'm in love with you Hinata!" Kenma exclaimed and sobbed. He looked so genuinely sad that Hinata pulled him into a hug. "Ever since I first saw you that day, when you were lost and asked me for directions. Remember that?" Kenma sobbed.

"Of course I do" Hinata pushed away and looked him deep in the eyes.

"But you have Kageyama and there's nothing I can do, you're in love with him and you're happy" Kenma tried to look away again but Hinata caught his eye. "I'll just have to be happy for you but I just, can't"

"That's right but, please don't be sad. There are going to be so many boys or girls in your life Kenma-"

"No there isn't!" Kenma cut off "I don't like people, they just stress me out and I've never felt attracted to anyone except you." Kenma cried out loud, which wasn't something Kenma did often. He hated to cry in front of people. He despised it.

"Just because, I was your first crush doesn't mean I'll be your last" Hinata said comfortingly.

"I know! I get so worked up about things! I have so many problems and I know nobody cares! I hate them, and I hate you!" Kenmas eyes were just as red as the blood shooting from his nose.

"You got a nosebleed-"

"I fucking hate you..." Kenma snapped and tried to wipe the blood off with the back of his hand.

"Kenma, look at me" Hinata said dead serious.

Kenma stood up and went to the other side of the small emergency room to reach for the door. Right now it felt like he could die on the spot.

"You and your fucking smile, and your lovely eyes. I fucking hate you.."

"Look at me!" Hinata shouted. It shocked Kenma how harsh he sounded, the sunshine smile was way gone. Kenma turned around and looked with empty eyes at his hopeless crush.

"You have to stop blaming yourself! I don't give a fuck what way you choose but you have to be kind to yourself! Let yourself cry! Let yourself be mad, and please, ask for help if you need it." Hinata was almost in tears himself from seeing his friend like this, it brought him so much pain.

"I know! I can't even be nice to myself. How the hell am I gonna be nice to anyone else.."

"Oh for goodness sake!" Hinata cut off and rushed up to the blonde and kissed him.

Kenma was so surprised, he just froze.
Hinata smooth lips against his, he even forgot to close his eyes as the ginger kissed him.

There were so many emotions, he actually didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Something he had been dreaming of for so long. He thought it was all just another dream. But soon enough he realized that it wasn't, this was real and it hurt so much by feeling so good. 

He knew he'll never get the chance to kiss Hinata ever again, he had to make the most of it. At last, his hand found their way to Hinatas soft locks of hair. He opened his eyes again just to confirm he actually wasn't dreaming...

In the corner of his eye, he saw a certain raven.

A certain raven, with fire in his eyes. He was ready to kill. And Kenma sure as hell felt ready to die.