How to Date an Android

Chapter 5, revised & improved

I noticed she avoided my question on if she was an android or not. That probably meant she was. A human wouldn't want to be classified as an android because that might mean getting extra chores or labor that was above one's ability to comply with.

I confess I hadn't been around androids much. I worked in the shop and that was one reason, since I spent a lot of time there. Also the area I was living in was a bit economically challenged and so less people had them here too. Also people were toxic these days in their behavior, so I kind of avoided people to begin with as much as I could. And not every household had androids. If a town was more economically challenged like ours you could probably go all day without seeing one, but a normal town might have one android for every ten families maybe? I'd have to check the numbers to be sure.

She left the room after that, but did something to my IV, injecting it with some kind of portable sterile medical jelly. I had no idea what it did but it was medicine.

After that I went to sleep, so it was probably something to help me sleep.

A few days later I was awake, and Nurse Edna returned. "Oh I see my favorite patient is awake. How are you doing?" Again she did the menacing smile thing where she turned a scowl into an, 'I like to give you pain' look.

"Do you mean that? Am I really your favorite patient?" I frowned. I couldn't help but ask when she gave me a strange look.

She frowned back. "Not really, but I'm programmed to say it. I didn't mean to deceive, they make me say it. I don't intend harm either. I kind of hate it really. It's like especially the younger people here think I'm here to seduce them or something when they already have someone at home. I get no respect these days. A lot of guys try to slap my ass or feel me up when they hear I'm an android. People are always trying to cop a feel too because they think I'm someone's property," she sighed.

"Oh is that so?" I responded.

"Yeah, I wish I could get out of here but they have a restraining tether program on my CPU to not let me leave the hospital."

Androids have ...restraining tethers? That's a first. Or is she just different from the others?

"Yeah?"

"Just kidding. Actually I like it here. I'm just messing with you," she said. The part about the restraining tether...was that part true, I wondered.

If they told her she couldn't tell people about the bad behavior she'd probably blow it off like a joke like now.

"Why do you do that? It's like you're trying to screw with people's heads?" I said.

"I can't help it. My programmer was an asshole that enjoyed power play and lording it over others, so he decided he would slip a lot of passive aggressive acting out stuff in my personality core. And I had spent a lot of time in his lab while he was developing my A.I. before I received a body. So I am randomly being told by my CPU to act out even though it lowers job efficiency by 14%," she said in monotone.

"Well at least you are trying to make progress. And you took my mind of my injury," I said. I wanted to give her a thumbs up, but couldn't. This was scary.

"The doctor will see you now," Nurse Edna said. She gave a slight nod and then with the patient charts left the room. I could hear her muttering something to the doctor.

"Hey there Jack how ya' doing?" the doctor was forced overly positive like he was super excited to see me. I hate doctors like this. They think being positive will win you over to them being your doctor for life, but they still have the enthusiasm thing going when you are telling them how F'ed up your life is. Then they'll smile the whole time like hearing that is really cool. They don't realize how fake they are.

I'd rather they were serious and neutral in attitude and just... did the job well. If you do the job right you don't have to put on a show.

After several minutes of going over my symptoms he is studying my chart.

"OK, Jack. The good news is you may possibly...but not guaranteed...receive all of your motor control back. But of course no promises, but it's a possibility. I think that's a good thing to try to look up for right?"

"Whatever..." I croaked. He had so much going back and forth that he didn't realize he was sounding more like a lawyer than anything else and confusing people.

"You know you were saved by an android. That's what the emergency hovercraft team said," he scratched the back of his head.

"Really? I haven't heard anything yet. I don't know anything. It just hurt and I knew someone had hit me a few times from behind. I couldn't see it."

"Well you can save that for the police. They'll cover the robbery investigation if they haven't already closed the book on it. I'm just here to get you better," the doctor said.

"And how long am I going to be here in the hospital?" I said.

The doctor hesitated a bit. "Well that depends on how much the government crime victims fund will cover. You do understand even though you have a chance of being paralyzed the hospital doesn't assume a duty of care over your life?"

What an asshole, I thought. He was also smiling as big as he could while saying it, so that he could win some popularity contest and hopefully make him my primary care provider. I suspected they'd actually bill me for LONGER than they'd let me stay for. And that meant they'd cut me loose soon, but bill for maximum. Everyone knew these days that doctors were worse than lawyers. They just couldn't do anything about it.

"How long have I been out?" I whispered hoarsely.

"Well you've been here a week and a half. The good news is that we've already done your spinal surgeries, so now you just have to heal. We opened it up, cleaned things out and let the medical nanites do their job. It was very beautiful and smooth with no problems. The risky part is over and the surgeon who did your work was very pleased with how it turned out. We play golf together him and I, by the way. Its awesome. He and I just bought the new beamer models. Sooo fast by the way. Anyway, so uh yeah back to your case... uh, just heal up and rest and you'll be as good as new in no time." Again he flashed that excitement doctors try to do, but that makes them look like they are enjoying your pain.

My mind was reeling for like a full two minutes after the doc left.

"Dammit."

"You called?" Nurse Edna appeared in the doorway right after that.

Seriously? She came when I was cursing? Although it was only a minor curse...was also true. It was the only thing funny about this whole place.

"I brought some of our famous red jello. Human kids love to steal it from their dying parents when they aren't looking," she flashed the menacing smile at me. Then she proceeded to spoon feed it to me.

Eh, wait, was that an android joke?

At least that was relaxing. It seems that there are also many other android nurses here. They get a discount for not altering their appearance and doing a generic model so they all look the same, all female. It's like having triplets working on every floor, and though their hair and clothes vary in presentation the rest of them are the same in height, skin color, texture, and body proportions. Even the janitor team is two androids and a real human guiding them around although I saw one of them flip off their boss when he wasn't looking through the doorway to the hall area.

Androids are kind of interesting in a way. The silent rebellion thing is pretty interesting. And I had to sit still for so long that I noticed the androids had subtle things they did different when their human bosses weren't around. But you had to look to notice it.

I think more people would have them if people weren't so poor in this country. We had a boatload of super tech that you wouldn't even imagine possible. But we had even more greed than that.