How to Date an Android

Chapter 1, revised & improved!

Every single one of them asks about your tax return and nothing about what kind of person you are. One after another it keeps going this way. It makes me nervous. Most of them didn't even ask what I liked to do, or my family, but just straight tax return questions.

Should I leave early? I ended up staying till the end because I want to have the feeling of having gave it my all.

Only one girl looked datable. It was a Hindi girl that called herself Sally. But then she floors me when she disclosed she's underage.

What?!

I sweat bullets, waiting for the time to pass. It takes me a few seconds to decide what to do since I'd been tempted. It's a shame really. The only girl that was really interested was jailbait? How unfair life is!

I was feeling pretty low and almost didn't hear her going off on...what was it again? I think about her dog Sparky.

"Look Sally, I'm sure you are a nice girl but I don't want to do anything against the law. Sorry, you understand don't you?"

She smiles and we go separate ways. She was girl number I forget which...somewhere between fifteen and twenty?

Eventually the event ends and I meet up with Matt, who came with me. We're both roommates and he rents a room in my house. He's the one that told me about this but I wonder how it went wrong. We grew up together, and ended up renting the same place after college ended to cut down on expenses so we can save money.

"Hey that was fun!" he said, slapping me on the back. This was something we were both a little bit curious about. Lately this was really how people met up since it wasn't possible to know in normal social circles if someone was already seeing someone or not. My sister also confirmed that, but she lives up in Wisconsin.

"It was?" I responded like he's nuts.

I don't think either of us is bad looking. But Matt doesn't work out. I do, but I'm not built like muscle warrior either. Matt unfortunately has a little pouch in front that sticks out from gaming too much, and not enough walking.

We're headed out the door when suddenly we hear this "Freeze!" At first I was scared but then I see the police aren't looking for me. I'm also far enough away from him to not get caught up in things.

"Ahh crap!" Matt is sweating hard while police surround him. They are all pointing laser pistols at him, and stun rays.

"Cuff him," one of the lady officers says with contempt. She looks like the one in charge.

"Ahhh man! Please! I didn't know!" he pleaded.

The police cuff him anyway. In fact the one that cuffed him was Sally. Wait...she's a cop? I'm so glad I resisted evil today.

I look again to be sure. Somehow she's changed her hair or pulled off her wig. Yep, sure enough, Matt is getting busted for asking out the underage girl. I feel sorry for him. The penalty for which, now days is pretty awful. I probably won't see him again for another two months of jail.

I was lucky, but my heart beat is racing like crazy and I think I just aged a whole year in my mind because of stress.

Sally pointed out I wasn't with him, so the cops leave me alone. It's good she's honest.

The other officers did verify it with drone camera footage though. It turns out that in this whole event, they were probably the only ones that got anything good except for the two or three pretty girls that already had boy toys lined up before they even got here. There was another girl who was also posing as a teenage girl too, with brown hair. We'd run out of time and so I hadn't met her yet, and we never found out if she was part of the sting that got Matt either. I'm so glad I didn't just follow his choices.

But is that really necessary to go after people that aren't into that sort of thing? Also what would happen if the girl was scheduled to turn 18 the next day? Either way I wasn't interested in anything risky like that.

The next day I received the results from the speed dating interviews.

Two girls asked me again in follow questions how much money I made.

The fat...I mean girl with child bearing hips asked me out. That's not good.

Miria's comments were; "sorry but I have a dinner buddy today. I'm actually dating three boy toys but I didn't have anyone to take me to dinner next Thursday and wanted to find someone to fill the slot. Better luck next time."

The other girls all seemed to fit in the tax return digger category in one way or another with some variation in comments.

It can't be this bad could it? Is this real dating?