I felt Noel's slippery tongue in my mouth as he gripped my jaw with his hand, his lips coated in alcohol as we sat in the car parked in front of my house, my head a confusing mess as I had faded from sober to almost drunk.
God my mother's going to kill me.
"Noel." I detached my lips from his as I took a moment to breathe, his mouth shifted from my lips down to my neck as I swallowed, thinking randomly of Charlie and his passionate romance with Finn, the intensity was beautiful but kissing Noel didn't feel as spicy as it looked.
"Noel." I giggled sitting on top of him as his neck kisses tickled my skin.
"Yeah?" His hot breath tingling on me as he pulled his eyes to see my face.
"Do you believe in soulmates? Like people that are just meant to be together forever?" I stared into his eyes and then he cocked his head back as if to wave off my question and then began to kiss me again.
"Noel?" I pulled myself from him "Do you? I whispered.
"No Shelby, it's bullshit." He seemed annoyed "I love you and that's all I know right now." He smirked and then closed his eyes to lean in.
"How much to do love me, do you love me intensely or do you just love me normally?" I pushed him back and then smiled hoping he would understand what I was trying to ask.
"Fuck Shelby, do we need to have this stupid conversation right now?" He rolled his eyes.
"It's not stupid, just answer the question." I pressed.
"Fuck." He sighed "I don't know, does it matter?" He ran his hand through his hair catching his breath again and then rested his palms on my waist, holding me as his fingertips stuck to my dress.
"It does matter, I don't want a "I kind of sort of love you." Kind of love, I want to drown in it, I want to drown in us," I paused "fuck love that isn't intense." I said.
"Wait," he narrowed his eyes "are you breaking up with me?" He was curious.
"No baby." I was in shock and then I kissed his forehead. "I'm not breaking up with you, I'm just thinking about love."
"Look Shelby, our love isn't intense but I'm happy with you and I'm okay with this that we share, this relationship is fine the way it is." He said and then pecked my lips sweetly but I couldn't help but wonder if I was happy, if this was enough for me and if I was okay with mediocre love and all of my questions had the same answer,
No.
I climbed off from Noel's lap and put my body back into the passenger seat of his car and then spoke.
"I'm going to head inside, it's getting late and-"
"Sure." He nodded without letting me finish.
"I love you baby." He smiled. "Don't over think things okay?"
"I love you too." I said rolling my eyes with a smile as I opened the car door. "See you in the morning."
"I won't be late." I heard him say as I shut the door and then waved as he started up his engine and took off.
I stumbled as I tried walking up the pathway and then entered my home quietly, hoping not to wake anyone up. I smelt like Noel infused with beer and brandy, I could feel that my make-up was anything but cute and I'm sure my hair looked like a mop, I pulled my shoes off and then tippy-toed through my house and up the staircase as quietly as I could, I opened my bedroom door slowly hearing a creaking sound come from the wood and then I slowly pressed it closed holding my breath, I had to much on my mind at this point, Charlie being bisexual, My relationship with Noel being confusing, keeping a secret from Anna,
