Ad Infinitum

Chapter 42

©mugiichan, 2016

Tonight

***

"They were about to come home but their plane was missing since yesterday." Thaddeus mumbled nervously, like he's having a difficult time to pronounce each and every word. That moment he said those words to me, he looked like he's having a hard time to tell the truth. I let my hands off from his sleeves, and he looked unto my eyes. He doesn't say anything, but his eyes... Everything was spoken through his eyes. I could clearly see him, hurting deep inside, worried of what's gonna happened next. I've known him as very elusive man who really knows how to hide his feelings behind his eyes for a very long time. He can play as being a emotionless man, but this time, I could clearly see how frightened he was. "Saab, I'm sorry you-"

"It's about your mom and dad."
"They were about to come home but their plane was missing since yesterday."

Those words that were said by him earlier kept playing on my mind all over again, like a broken record. I shook my head, that made him stopped talking. I start to push the formed lump on my throat. Things that were said earlier starts to comprehend inside my brain. Dad and mom's plane is missing. They're coming home for me, right? They're not dead right? I looked at Thad's eyes. I bit my lower lip as tears starts to fall down from my eyes. I tried to hold them, but they keep on falling endlessly.

"Saab, they'll make it. Have faith on them, okay?" He mumbled as he pulled me into his arms. "I promise-"

"N-no..." I pushed him away from me, hard. Nasasaktan ako sa lahat ng nangyayari, sa situasyon ko, sa situasyon namin ni Thad. Why it has to be me? What did I do wrong?

"Saab..." His voice is pleading. "Sweetheart..."

"S-stay away from me." I whimper, wiping my tears away. "P-please, at all costs."

"I wish I could. But this time, I can't let you go." He breathes heavily trying to hold my hand. "I can't leave you in that state. I can't leave you."

"No, Thad. Please... 'Wag mo akong pahirapan. Intindihin mo naman sana ako. Parang awa mo na." Nagmamakaawa ako sa kanya habang humakabang papalayo sa kanya. I don't want to see him this time. I may sound so unfair and selfish but I can't stand seeing him around, seeing me breakdown once again, and knowing that he has feelings for that Margaux? I can't stand seeing him or anything that correlates him and Margaux; or even seeing Margaux through him at all. Not to mention that I'm in the state of confusion right now and I can't carry them all at once! I know I'm hurting him, I'm hurting his heart too and so was I. This isn't easy at all. I'm hurting myself being far away from him. As much as I hated myself to turn my back away from him, I should... I have to.

"Please don't turn your back from me, sweetheart." I started to breakdown when he said those words. It stabbed my heart deep down, but what can I do? I just closed my eyes, took a deep breath and turned my back on him and walked away. I'm sorry, love. I just have to do this. I need my space now.

Few days turned into weeks, the search and rescue team continues to find my parents. The rescuers are giving me an up-to-date news about what they're up to. I still continue to go to work even though I'm experiencing insomia. I'm still thinking where mom and dad could have been? They didn't even told me that they are coming home this month. The last time I spoke to them was quite a long ago. I was with Thaddeus and they were talking about my wedding soon and welcoming Thad into my family. I even called kuya Yong Ji and checked on him. He looked so wrecked. He looks like he has no sleep at all.