Ad Infinitum

Chapter 22

©mugiichan, 2015

Her First Dance

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Shaun's POV

It's been weeks the last time I saw Saab. She was very different the way she was before... Before I left her hanging in that altar and tore her heart into tiny pieces. She was way more devastated than I was. I know, she will be hurt of my decision I made that time, but never did I know that she was this much worse. I thought that decision, will make me clear my name, to clear all the lies I made up to her and to be able to bring her back again to my arms. I did, cleared my name and made clear all of the lies I made but not her. The Saab I knew was fading away from my sight. I wish it's just that the things aren't the way it supposed to be was. It was never been easy to accept everything for Saab and that hit me. I miss her... I really do. Her soft voice that tingles my heart when I hear her calls me mi querido, her beautiful, smiling face that radiates so brightly like the sun in the mid-afternoon and the way she cares about me, it was priceless... I don't know what are the right words to describe that feeling. I am more content than ever before since I've got her. She just makes all my imperfections perfect in my eyes. Now that I see her trying to move on, I have this bittersweet feelings. Bitter because, I will never get her heart back again. Sweet, maybe... I don't know if it's the right word, because she's moving on with all the pain I inflicted to her. I am happy to see her happy, bitter because I know it is not because of me anymore. That smile was for someone else's now. This feeling of regret silently kills me whenever I see her with someone else. I know it is too ironic to tell. It was supposed to be my spot. Sometimes, I thought of something different from what I've decided. I should've gone away from her. She is everything that I have, but I just slipped it all through my hands. I still have the same feelings about her, I still love her. I do.

I turned my wheels to the right, entering the place and find a empty parking spot. I hope it's not too late to come in. It was my best childhood buddy's wedding. I haven't seen Trixie for so long, I think the last time we saw each other is like we're around seven or eight years old. We got back in touch when I knew she was getting married to Gabriel. As pulled my handbrake, I looked at my phone and saw a lot of missed calls from her. She really missed me a lot. I remember when she brags about what her life has been all along when we talked through the phone. I was way back to the Spain, for like weeks or a month I guess, I stayed in there to find myself, to correct all my mistakes and to reflect of what I did. It wasn't that successful, the pain was more severe than I thought. I can't stand myself not seeing Saab. It's like I'm bringing so much weight to myself because of running away. So I went home, and looked after Saab in a distance hoping she is in a safe place but much to my dismay, she had already someone that she can count into. There is already someone who took the place of protecting her. Even how much I wish to protect her once again, it's just it is impossible already. She won't count on me anymore. She don't need me anymore. No more.

I handed the invitation letter to the receptionist I quietly slipped in the function area. I found all of the guests cheering for I don't know why. I'm trying to find out and finding Trixie as well and when I saw her and his husband, I also saw the woman I wasn't expected to see now. She was stunningly beautiful in her lacy cocktail dress and was sitting on that white, elegantly decorated chair. That moment, my eyes were stucked on her amazing beauty. She is the same woman who I love to give coffee during her overtime. She is the same woman whom I courted for my own ambition, the one I betrayed but the woman I fell for and made my life alive and exciting.

It was my muñequita.

"Higher! Higher!" They all cheered again. As much I wanted to cheer for Saab, I can't avert my fist to clenched so tight as I realized what is really happening. That made me awake from the reality. I narrowed my eyes back to the man who was kneeling down to Saab helping her wear the wedding garter. As much as I wanted to walk through the crowd and let my fist run through his face, I just can't. I have to respect Trixie's wedding. It is her day today. I sighed in defeat from fighting my own urge to make a scandalous act. All I did is to lean in the wall and after they were satisfied about that wedding traditions, the couple had their dance on the night as well as Saab and with her partner, Thaddeus. Even Fiona and her husband was on the dance floor and they all start to dance gracefully to the song. As much as I want to go out of this space, I can't. It seems so rude if I'll just leave quietly, without giving any word to Trix. All I did was, I neglected my pride and let my jealousy devoured my whole being.