Words of a Bully

Thursday, November 19th

When I told Justin, he didn't seem as surprised as I thought he would be. He didn't seem surprised at all. He already knew. 

"Alex told me." 

I was mad. I was furious. How dare she?! I was in shock. 

"She did?" 

"Yep. Last night she texted me. I wasn't sure she was telling the truth, but then things started to fit together. Especially when I asked Jamie." 

I had built up all kinds of courage to tell Justin, and here he was, saying he already knew. 

"So, why'd you do it?" he asked me, looking curious. I sighed. "Jamie told me...but is it true?" 

I bit my lip and nodded. 

My world was crumbling. It really was. I felt like curling up in a ball I was so embarassed. 

"Do you hate me?" My voice was small. I was small. I was a small person with a small soul and a small heart. Everything about me was small, and that wasn't a good thing. 

"Of course not. I've always loved you. Just lately it hasn't been in...that way. I am hurt that your wants were greater than mine." 

I nodded. "I am so...so sorry." My voice was barely a whisper I wasn't sure if I could make my voice any louder. I might cry. 

"I know you are." 

He walked towards me and gave me a hug. It was like the one he had given me on Saturday, but this time, I was the one crying into his shoulder. I started shaking with silent sobs, the occasional sniffling. 

He held me at arms legnth and stared at me. A sniveling mess, with a blotchy face, tears in my eyes, and running make up, I couldn't have looked pretty, but at that moment he whispered, "You look beautiful." 

I smiled through the tears and started to giggle. It was a half cry, half laugh as he pulled me in closer. 

"In a way, you saved me, Cassie," he whispered in my ear. "She obviously wasn't good for me. The fact that she texted me last night proved that she wanted one of us to get hurt, either me or you. Maybe both of us. I don't need anyone who wants to hurt my best friend. Next week, do you want to...go out to dinner or something? After all that work you put in to get me to notice you, I think you deserve a date out of it." 

I laughed and punched him in the shoulder. "Like you're a prize to be won," I muttered, rolling my eyes. 

"Aren't I?" 

So yeah. Things went okay. Things turned out kind of good. I have a date with Justin next week, and I hadn't hurt him as much as I thought I had. Now that Alex is gone...maybe it will turn into more. Maybe we won't have so much drama. Maybe things will go back to normal. 

Except, they won't go back to normal. We'll always remember her. How me and her almost tore our entire friendship apart. How she crushed Justin. And of course, depending on how things work out between me and Justin will determine how normal things get. If we date, it won't be normal. If it ends badly and we don't date, things won't be normal. Either way, it won't be the old normal. 

But it will be the new normal. And it will be good.