Words of a Bully

Monday, October 20th

I was busy all Saturday and most of Sunday. We had to go to the courthouse and talk to an attorney about my grandmother's will. Apparently there's been some problem and something to do with insurance. I was so zoned out during the meeting that I didn't pay enough attention to know what the heck was going on. 

Sunday was another meeting until I got home. When I got home I had other planning to do. I stayed up late. I called Jamie and talked to her for a while. I told her that I liked Justin.

She wasn't too happy about it.

"Cassie, this isn't fair of you! I know you're only thinking about yourself here. What about Alex and Justin? What about me?" 

"What do you mean, 'What about you?' Why would this affect you?" 

"Don't be dumb, Cassandra. The second they break up, she'll go right back to flirting with Jess." 

I bit my lip. I hadn't thought about that.

"Well...I'm sorry, but what am I supposed to do? I really like Justin!" 

"You sound like a 6th grade girl! Grow up, you can't have him! You acted too late, and now he doesn't like you!" 

I felt like crying, but didn't want to right on the phone with Jamie. So I hung up, then I cried. She was right of course. He wasn't mine to take anymore. He never was. I've known this from the beginning, so why am I only realizing it now? I just got make up on my journal. Ugh. 

I don't care. I really don't. I may seem like a horrible person, a terrible person. To gain happiness at the expense of others' isn't fair of me. If my parents knew that this was happening, it would be stopped. Well, apparently my plan will have to be held in secret. 

Distrust. I'm leaving notes in Alex's locker from "a secret admirer." 

I don't know what will happen from there, but hopefully all will go well. For me, anyway. 

I sound like a psychopath. What's wrong with me?