Words of a Bully

Wednesday, October 29th

It was announced today that there's going to be a Halloween dance on Friday. I don't want to go, mainly because I don't want to see Justin and Alex together. I think it would just...break me. I went to stop by Alex's locker. I decided that if Alex wants an answer or another note, then she'll answer my question. Does she want to know about Justin? If she says no, then no, I won't tell her what I know about Justin. If she doesn't answer by Monday, I'll assume she said no. 

I'm scared that Cassandra will tell someone before I get to the part about Justin. The thing is, Justin doesn't know that I know this. He'll be on edge too, once it does surface. He won't know who the heck knows all about his secret, the secret that's just terrible. It really is an awful secret. I doubt he told Alex, especially considering that he didn't tell me. We've always been best friends. 

Well, until now. 

Now I find myself turning to Jamie more than anybody. She talks about Jesse a lot. It makes me feel kind of upset. Why don't I have a boyfriend that I can talk about. A boyfriend named Justin, as in my best friend Justin. I wish that I could say anything about Justin without getting lectured from Jamie about how Justin has a girlfriend now. Justin has a girlfriend now. 

Justin has a girlfriend now, and it's not me. 

It might not ever be me. 

If this goes how I want it to, then Justin will break up with Alex, and I can sweep in and be the comforting best friend, giving him a shoulder to cry on. Then, he falls in love with me and we live happily ever after. 

I've gone too far to turn back now. I can't afford backing out now. I can't afford to let them know that it's me. If it does resurface before the whole Justin thing, then my plan could be ruined, but I think that it would still be salvageable. I just don't know how. 

I don't really know anything anymore.