Words of a Bully

Sunday, October 13th

I had to sing at church this morning. Just about everybody in town goes to the same church, and most everyone from my school goes too. Jamie wasn't there today, but Alex was. Justin was too, sitting in the front center row, just like always. Right beside him was Alex, holding a blue bible with her name on it. 

I smiled at them both and said hello and shook their hands. Alex smiled and said hello, but Justin wouldn't even make eye contact with me. I leaned in to give hug, which he reluctantly accepted to. When I did, I whispered in his ear that I needed to talk to him behind the church after service. He didn't say anything, but his eyes finally managed to find mine, and a slight nod of the head showed that he agreed to come. I really hoped he wouldn't change his mind. 

The piano started to play, telling us to get out our hymnals. We sang our various songs, standing and sitting. When it was time to shake hands, Alex introduced me to her grandmother. She was a short, thin woman, with a face similar to Alex's. She looked to be in her mid 50's. Alex explained to me that she was living with her now, until they were final on the deal that they had on a different house. 

After a while of shaking hands with various people, mostly ones from school, our choir director asked for us to come up to sing. We sang "We are Blessed" and then it was my turn to sing with Jamie, who, of course wasn't here. It wasn't a duet, we were just singing in Unison, but still, it was a little annoying that she wasn't at church. 

I sang "God's Glory is Forever." As I sang, I saw Justin staring at me, his lips in a tight, thin line, his face blank. My parents were filming with their cellphones. My eyes traveled around the congregation to see smiling people, swaying back and forth gently to the music. That made me smile. 

When I looked at Alex and Justin again, sitting front and center, I see Alx had her head on Justin's shoulder and they were holding hand. I had to look away or my voice would falter. As I continued to sing about the Glory of God, my mind filled with angry thoughts directed towards the two. 

"Don't they know that this is church?" I thought. "This is not somewhere where they should be holding hands or showing any PDA at all!" I felt my heart beat faster. Why do I care so much. There were other people holding hands, and I didn't care. Why did this bother me so much?

I tried to convince myself that I didn't care. This doesn't bother me, but once my heart pace quickened I knew that wasn't true. And I knew the answer why I didn't like this. 

I didn't like her liking him because I liked Justin. 

It wasn't a matter of having a little crush, it was that he had had a crush on me. I had known Justin since kindergarten. Wasn't he as good as mine? 

As the song ended I went and sat down next to my parents, who congratulated me on a good job singing and listened to the sermon. It was about David and Goliath. I couldn't help but feel a connection to the Pastor's words. No, it wasn't where I really realized the wonders that the power of God could do, I already knew that. I instead felt like Goliath, and David, otherwise known as Alex, had knocked me down from the pedastol that I had set myself on.

 Justin was the Valley of Elah, which was basically mine, and I was a Phillistine soldier, a giant, and felt unbeatable, but in swept Alex, playing the role of a believer of God, and the one who won and took back the city. 

The sermon ended on the note that with the power of God, anything is achievable, even the hardest of goals,as David demonstrated perfectly with the battle of David and Goliath. As the pastor closed his bible, we all did the same, placing our hymnals under our chairs and going to get the younger ones from the nursery. My parents had to stay afterward for a business meeting that I was not invited to. 

All of the teenagers usually went and sat outside at the picnic tables, talking about the connections we made with the sermon, but today I had to find Justin. I walked around to the back of the church and saw him. He suppressed a small smile, but his eyes didn't take part in it. They were cold and unwelcoming. 

"Hi." My voice was small, ready to retreat at the slightest notice of danger. 

"Hey." His voice was thick. He was not happy with me. 

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry, and I'm sick of the silent treatment from you. I need my friend back, Justin." My voice wavered. I told myself that I wouldn't cry so many times. 

Before anymore words could escape my mouth, Justin wrapped his arms around me in an embrace. He whispered more into my hair than my ear, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, it's been killing me that I haven't been able to talk to you. You just made me upset, but I had no excuse for what I said about your grandmother. The guilt's been ripping me apart. Sorry, Cassie." 

He rubbed his hand up and down my back and patted me. When I pulled away I realized that I was crying. I used my thumb to wipe at the corner of my eyes, afraid my mascara was running. I smiled, happy that my friend was back. 

That's when my world came crashing down. Alex came over, and for the first time I realized how beautiful she looked in a plum colored dress with a black overskirt filled with lace shaped to look like flowers. It had a thick haltertop strap and it was backless. There over the bodice were white rhinestones. Her hair was braided down the back and she wore black high heels. 

She smiled at us and put her hand on Justin's shoulder. 

"What's up guys? Are you made up? I'm so happy!" She hugged Justin and smiled at me. 

I pursed my lips. I couldn't help but wonder what made her think she could hug him so easily. I asked the first thing that popped into my mind. 

"Are you two together?" 

They both turned red. Alex held a single finger up to her lips. "Shh." 

I felt my heart beat faster before plummeting down to my stomach. The second I realize I have a thing for Justin I'm forced to also realize that he now has a girlfriend. 

The rest of the time I sat at the picnic table talking about the sermon with another girl. Her name was Lily and she went to the school at the church. The way she talked was so boring. Yes, it was wonderful that she was enlightened by the word and power of the Lord, but she kept repeating the same thing. 

"Yes but did you notice..." 

When I got home it was a day of relaxation, the day of rest. I just laid in my room watching the old television show, Friends, which did make me feel better. Tomorrow I can't wait to relent to Jamie on how awful my day was today. 

I don't feel like writing anymore.