Voices

c h a p t e r 2 9 : s t e p

L o u i s a

"It comes in waves, I close my eyes. Hold my breath and let it bury me." - Drown, Bring Me the Horizon

And once the magic fades away

And life goes on

You start to realise

The delusion you were living in

And you begin to wonder

Why you were so caught up in it

And why you thought that

It could be anything more than just a dream.

*

The shrill sound of the bell reaches my ears, signalling the end of this class and the beginning of our lunch break.

Finally. I've forgotten how dreadfully long classes are, especially when you have a teacher who speaks in a monotone and goes around and around in circles.

"Just to remind you all, we will have a revision test next lesson. Don't forget to study for it," Mrs Morrison, our Biology teacher, says. "Have a great day."

I gather my things and stuff them into my backpack, wearing it over my shoulders and waiting for the rest of the class to clear out before walking out of the class, only to see Ria already waiting for me outside.

"Hey, Lou. How was class?" she asks cheerily, throwing her arms around my shoulder

I groan. "It's only the first week back in school and we already have a test coming up," I complain. "I mean, can't she at least give us a few weeks to get back into the school routine?"

She scoffs. "Tough luck, huh. What subject?"

"Biology."

"Mrs Morrison?" she asks.

I nod grimly. "Unfortunately."

She chuckles, patting my back. "Don't worry, Lou. It can't be that bad. Hey, we can even study together. I sure could use some brushing up, especially with Bio. You know how I am with that subject."

I shrug nonchalantly. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

It was as if someone had just flicked on a switch and all I felt like doing is to get away from everyone. There's too many people. It feels so constricting. It feels like everyone has their eyes on me, that everyone knows what happened, that everyone is judging me.

I'm sure that's far from the case - I mean, the student body hardly even knows my name - but I can't help but feel that everyone is trying to find ways to tear me down.

I breathing turns shallow, my heartbeat accelerates and a sheen of sweat starts to form on my forehead. I clench my fist to stop them from shaking so much and look straight ahead, gritting my teeth, my shoulders tense.

I quicken my pace, hoping that by walking faster, the feeling will go away and Ria will stop making small talk with me. It's not that I don't want her to. It's just that I can't really bring myself to answer her.

Not when I'm in this mood.

She jogs to catch up with me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, Lou. Slow down. We're not in a race or anything," she says lightly and jokingly, trying to ease the tension.

I shake my head in reply.

"Oh, come on. Don't act like that. Talk to me, girl. What's bothering you?"