Voices

c h a p t e r 2 7 : s o r r y

L o u i s a

"I'll understand you. Just give me the chance to. Love you more than you'll ever know. Even if it means I gotta let you go." - Last to Know, The Wanted

No more.

No more of this.

No more pretending.

No more hoping.

No us.

No more.

*

I never should've come back.

I should've followed my gut instinct and ignored all of it. And push everything away. Then, maybe I won't feel as horrible as I do now.

I went back to the beach, hoping that maybe I was wrong and that we could work. And then, I saw him. Enjoying his time with another girl - Jasmine, I think that was her name - kissing her. And he said he wanted to give me another chance.

He probably didn't mean it. He was probably just playing around with my feelings. I should never have given him the letter. I should've just walked out silently. I wasted my time on him when he clearly doesn't feel the same.

I guess this is where his true colours show.

At least it did when it did before I made another grave mistake.

"Hey, Lou. Are you all packed and ready to leave?" Ria asks chirpily, throwing her arm around my shoulder.

"I guess," I reply, forcing a smile.

"You'd better have everything packed and ready tonight. I don't want you panicking early tomorrow morning because you can't find your sock or something."

I laugh. "Yes, Mum," I answer. "Whatever you say."

"Hey," she says, laughing, throwing her hands up in surrender. "I'm only looking out for you."

"Yeah. I know."

"That's what friends are for." She pauses. "Hey, Basil and I are going out for dinner. Want to join us?"

I shake my head. "I'll pass."

"Are you sure? This is our last time together here with him."

I shrug nonchalantly. "I don't feel up to it."

"Okay then," she says, thankfully not pressing the matter further. "Want us to pack something for you?"

"I'll have whatever you're having."

She nods. "Alrighty then. I'll see you later."

"Yeah sure. Have fun."

She leaves my room, closing the door behind me. I lie down on my bed, staring blankly at the white ceiling above.

I take a huge breath of air, closing my eyes, hoping that the thoughts will settle down and find their rhythm again. I should never have come here.

I thought that it would be an escape for me to be here. Escaping from everyone and everything my life has been centred around. But it doesn't matter even if I come to a place where I'm a complete stranger. Everything's the same.

The world is the same no matter where I run off to.

The world is not a safe place for me. I shouldn't have made it when I jumped off that building all those years ago. I should've died and joined Dad, wherever he is. Maybe then, things wouldn't be as bad as they are now.