Voices

c h a p t e r 2 1 : w a i t

L o u i s a

"Now those precious moments. That we carved in stone, are only memories after all." - Memories, Shawn Mendes

I'll stand by you

For as long as I can

But I can't be there

For eternity long.

Standing here

By your lifeless body

Reminds me of failure.

Like how you failed her.

And how I failed you.

*

Sam.

My mind is screaming his name over and over again, playing the exact moment our fingertips brushed and he fell onto the sharp rocks below. His eyes just wide open, completely and utterly horrified, so helpless and vulnerable. And I couldn't do anything about it.

Was this how he felt as he watched Lily fall into the icy lake?

I understand how he felt now, when he said he felt so useless. That it should have been him.

It should have been me to fall. I was the one who ran away from the group to hide. He was the one to come looking for me, just to see if I was okay. We'd never have been in that situation if we didn't go away in the first place.

But, I guess, there's nothing we can do about it now. What's happened, happened. Now we can only hope for the best.

But that's the major flaw here. Hope. It's what lifts our spirits so high, only to crush it and leave us stranded.

"Is he okay?" I ask a passing nurse frantically.

She gives me a look like I'm crazy before walking away, completely ignoring my question.

I heave an exhausted sigh, resting my elbows on my knees and burying my face in the palms of my hands.

I can't believe I'm here again. Waiting anxiously in a hospital hallway that is just way too bright and white. Waiting for someone to come out and tell me that everything is going to be okay.

Except, last time, it didn't.

*

"Mum, Mum," I said hastily, out of breath. "I ran here as fast as I could. What happened?"

"I'm so sorry for calling you back so fast. I know how much you needed your rest. You've spent your whole night by your father's side. Always the loving and caring daughter," she said softly.

"Mum," I replied, more forcefully. "Mum, please tell me what happened."

"Poor Oliver has been in this hospital for so many months. And in so much pain. He wanted to bring you to Italy for your birthday last month but his doctors won't allow him to travel."

Mum was avoiding the question. The pit in my stomach grew with every passing second. Something definitely wasn't right. This wasn't like Mum at all. The mum I knew would never go in circles about anything. She hated long windedness.

"Mum. Please tell me."

She held me by my shoulders, looking at me sadly, like she was in denial of what's going on. My heart stopped and my hands started to get clammy. I know that look. It's the look she had just as she was about to deliver some bad news.