Fragments And Reflections

A Night Out Alone

I chased my doleful insecurities into the night,

Along the broken street and down the steps,

Past the nettles that smell of rain and sadness,

Past the bench where kids share their weed,

Past the garages where sunken-eyed junkies

Force the locks to steal rusted tools to eBay,

Past the cheap grill van which sells burgers

And bacteria in a bun, fries on the side,

Into the beer-soaked pit that passed for 

A concert hall, where short, fat men danced

To a chameleon band ripping up the

Frontiers of sonic decency and leered at

Sweat-drenched ‎girls in their heels and

Leggings spilling out of halter-necks and

Dipped like sheep in Chanel to kill the flies,

Wishing they could fuck them in the toilets

As they do a line or three, wasted and

Happy, high on the dream-memories of 

Years gone by, and fucking made up to have

Survived another week, to have beaten

The suicide temptations one more time,

Sticking it to the man and the devil.

I drank Newcastle Brown Ale and laughed,

Howling along to Cars and Rebel Yell,

Wishing She Sells Sanctuary and not

The Sound of Silence, asking my fuck-wit

Mate not to sell his soul and support the

Friendly fascists for a piece of the action,

Goading him to frack what's left of his

Christian conscience and extract the 

Spunk to tell them to get screwed, not limp

Meekly after his dead-eyed crowd, shrugging

Off responsibility like his decision is

Someone else's ‎foregone conclusion,

Agency surrendered to inevitability,

My anger at him really anger at me,

The king of transference, unable to 

Switch off the pocket rocket fantasies 

Ripping up my anchors and setting me

Adrift, cutting through my carefully

Designed numbness and making me

Think just what if, what fucking if, and

Making the dreams that died burn again

Like pinprick starlight on the black sky.